If you want to be on the news 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
This is an office story, however I know both the main participants and while one (lets call him Tom, 27) has reproduced, it's the other (Dick, 31) who's a Darwin Candidate.
Dick's the luckiest unlucky man in the world. He's the guy who got his cherry-red camero totaled by a Semi, while on company business, and his insurance wouldn't cover it. Dick's the guy who, when we were out playing paintball, took a shot to the head and had a concussion. He always walks away from these things, but it hasn't stopped me from telling him that at 1:18pm on a Thursday, his life will eventually end.
Last year, Dick invited me and my girlfriend to his 4th of July party, but as we were visiting my family, I picked up the story from Tom the next week.
Dick lives in Chicago, where it's illegal to shoot off fireworks. This never stops him, and he launches a few small whiz-bangs down the street every 4th of July and New Years. Having been to a couple parties, I know Dick always makes sure that bystanders are out of the way, and his cop buddies come over to check the fireworks before hand. Illegal as all hell, but ... this is Chicago for you!
As the party wound down, Tom and Dick were standing over the last few firecrackers, and Dick was lighting them and dropping them into the backyard. These were small poppers, they had maybe a big bang or a short hop, and weren't really dangerous. That said, Tom and Dick were standing about 2 or 3 feet away.
One of the larger fireworks goes off and it whizzes right by Tom into the street. Tom, being a sensible guy, backs up. Dick, being Dick, doesn't and as a second, large, firework takes off, gets nailed right in his scrotum. Dick's down, Tom's dumping water over the fireworks, and everyone's laughing at Dick.
The next day, Tom calls up Dick and asks how he is. Dick replies "I'm all black an blue down there! I talked to my doctor and asked him if I should go to the hospital. He said 'Only if you want to be on the news, Dick!'"
Dick has made a full recovery, though as far as we know, he has no children to date. He may not have Darwin'd this time, but I can see him making it one day. Submitted on 07/08/2002
Submitted by:
Anonymous
Reference:
July 4th, 2001
Copyright © 2002 DarwinAwards.com
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