Drunken Menance 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
My fiance almost made himself a multiple darwin winner in one night. I'm the one taking the MENSA exam in the fall...he won't be taking it any time soon.
January 21, 2000. (Dead of winter 15 F outside)
After driving about 100 miles to his friends house my fiance part takes in 8-9 helpings of his friend George Killian Irish Red "beer". He gets into a fight with his friends and decides to drive home (1st mistake). While driving home he reaches the 96 mile marker. He makes it over the main bridge and drives past the state police barricks and doesn't get caught. In his drunken stupor falls asleep behind the wheel and misses his turn off for home. At 3 AM he continues driving asleep for about four miles. He hits the rotary driving asleep. He drives straight through the rotary (2nd mistake). A rotary is a road that is fashioned in a complete circle to allow numberous turnoffs. Then he drives through a heavy set highway sign (3rd mistake), and lands in woods (4th mistake). Car is totaled and no one but himself was injured. After waking up with his head in the air bag still drunk he decides to leave the scene of the accident (5th mistake). He walks about a 1/2 mile from the accident and proceeds to walk over a semi-frozen lake (6th mistake), he continues walking. From the frozen lake he then walks 3 miles in 15 F degree weather to the nearest pay phone. He calls me crying "blubbering" about the accident and to pick him up. I find him at the pay phone with his head red from the air bag impact, frost bite on his hands, ears, and knees. Knees due to fallen down drunk on the ice. He suffered minor nerve damage from the frost bite. I bring him home and his calls the local police dept. drunk and confess everything. Outcome: Continued with out a finding 6 months. Lucky him. I am sure that some day he will make a darwin out himself. I have told him for many reasons he should up his life insurance policy. Submitted on 06/17/2002
Submitted by:
Heather
Reference:
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