Dead Ringer 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
For many years I worked in Central Australia, mainly with remote communities. I saw and heard many amazing tales, but the one I witnessed one night at Hart's Range, 250 kms NE of Alice Springs takes the cake. We were having a b-b-q on a cold desert night together with very intoxicated ringers (stockmen) and assorted cowboys.
One grizzled old lizard necked ringer was complaining about the huge bullants that had got into everything including the food. He was making an incredible racket, staggering around yelling out that he wanted all of us to move camp because he was allergic to bull ants. This was met by much drunken laughter and the sort of loud abuse only lots of Bundy (black rum) can produce.
The boozed old ringer had had enough of this humiliation and slurringly declared that he would prove it. Having made his statement he picked up a 1.5 inch bullant, pulled out his trouser snake and put the ant to his dick. The noisy mob saw the ant oblige and the old fool disappeared into the scrub with agonised yells.
After a good hour had passed someone thought it best that we try and find tha silly old bastard. Well find him we did unconscious in the red sand and spinifex, breathing in a wheezing sort of way and with a dick the size of a mango.
We called the Flying Doctor on the radio, plus tried to wake up the local nurse who had collapsed thoroughly drunk under an equally out of it ringer.
By the time Air Medical arrived the old boy was in a bad way and in shock. He died before he got to Alice Springs, but he did prove his point. Submitted on 06/03/2002
Submitted by:
Anonymous
Reference:
Central Australia, 1980
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