Fun with a thousand sparklers! 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
What's better than one piddly sparkler? A thousand tied together to make a mega-sparkler!
Yeah, not really. You see, it turns out that the theory of sparklers being "safe for all ages" is only true if they are used in the correct manner.
I visited some relatives on the Fourth of July, 2001. As usual, everyone got profusely drunk in preparation for firing off the illegal fireworks that we had smuggled across the Va/N.C. border a few weeks before. Although it was fun watching professional grade fireworks being shot by drunks out of sections of PVC piping, it was soon getting boring. You can only watch so many flower beds and bushes go up in flames before it's all the same.
At this point, I suggested trying something that I had tried only a few times before, THE MEGA SPARKLER. I usually only used about 300 sparklers, but this was a special occasion!
It was a rather big bunch, about six feet wide and was held together by some wire I had "borrowed" from a constuction site. Soon it had attracted numerous nieghbors to the area due to the fact that I had decided the safest place was the middle of the street.
I was ready to ignite the bunch when I remembered that the blast radius of 1000 would be diffrent than the 300 I had always used. I was too late. I managed to scream "Get back" in time to keep everyone else out of harm's way, but I didn't have enough time to get back. Luckily, a suprisingly large sockwave was emitted before the explosion, so I was blasted back instead of getting burned. I left a pretty big dent in the BMW twenty feet behind me, but I still got to watch as a fountain of fire went about 100 feet into the air.
Unfortunately, this attracted the attention of the atourities and a police car arrived to see a two foot hole through the asphault filled with used sparklers glowing white emitting a pungent odor.
I later learned that an onlooker tried to put out the glowing rods by pissing on them. That explains the odor. Submitted on 05/11/2002
Submitted by:
Bojangles
Reference:
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