Pocket M-80 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
Living in a small Northern Ontario community, news travels fast, but it doesn't usually travel far. This is something that i witnessed but still can't believe. The story unfolds like some manner of newfie joke.
I have a friend named James, i use the term friend very loosly because he is a moron. James was a firebug, just like every other guy in grade 9. His father was an avid hunter and reloaded his own shells so there was an ample amount of materials to satisfy his obsession.
One day after school while walking homw i noticed a lage group of kids huddled in a circle around james. What he has done was take FFFF powder (used for black powder rifles) and had filled a small heavy duty cardboard tube with it. The tube was sealed with generous amounts of duct tape and has a crude wic protruding out the side.
James pulled out his shiny butane lighter, instructed everyone to step back, and lit the wic. Instead of throwing the crude m-80 he placed it between his legs right below his crotch and proceeded to put the lighter back in his pocket. As you can expect the wic burned much too fast and the explosive belw up within the confines of his naughty place. James fell to the ground screaming, and we all expected him to have a gigantic hole in his midsection. Rushing to aid him i noticed that the tube was in almost perfect condition with the exception of the two ends of the tube. There wans't even a rip in his jeans.
Luckily for james the explosive wasn't taped properly and most of its force was released through the ends. Unfortunatly for him the tube was still between his legs and directed a massive amount of pressure against his "little fellas".
James managed to make it home, change his pants and tell his mother he fell while walking along the top of a fence, so as not to get in trouble for playing with explosives.
It's been ten years now and during a trip home for thanksgiving i ran into James. It seems that he is unable to have children. Definatly a good thing! Submitted on 03/26/2002
Submitted by:
Paul Quattro
Reference:
Eye Witness to the Event
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