The Futon of Death 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
I realize this isn't worthy of a full Darwin Award, but I decided this personal story should be shared.
Last fall (2000) was my first year in college, and the university blessed me with one of the lowest forms of human life available. In the course of the semester, I grew to despise my roommate's snide remarks, coming back to the room stoned with his buddies, and the nightly sounds of flesh on flesh and his squeeky futon springs. Which brings me to the story...
One night, I came back to my dorm and Bill pulled me into the room with a look of mixed concern and amusement. He had a girl over, and was shaking his futon back and forth to demonstrate how unstable it was (great tactic to lure a girl into the futon), and failed to fully think things through.
His surge protector's power cable was right beside one of the legs of the futon, which didn't have the protective plastic cap on the end. The sharp edges of the futon leg cut into the power cable and created a small electrical fire. The sparks shot up the side of the wall, scorching the white walls. Fortunately, no major damage was done. Unfortunately, he wasn't holding onto the futon metal when it cut into the power cable causing the short, and so he continues to live.
With the grace of whatever deity points and laughs at human stupidity, Bill will show up on the Darwin Awards again, and I hope the next time he wins it. And the next time you hear a horror story of college, remember the idiot roommate who nearly set the room on fire in his quest for sex. Submitted on 02/26/02
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