Jake's Fishing Derby 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
Jake is one of those "take no prisoners" and "damn the torpedoes" types that just naturally seem to leave a trail of legends in their wake. Jake started out as a US Navy seaman and managed to get promoted slightly more often than he was demoted, thereby retiring as an officer.
At the time this story takes place Jake was the officer in charge of a Shore Communications Center in Vietnam. The Comms Center was located on the edge of a tropical lagoon, thus fishing was a popular sport for off-duty sailors. Spinning rods, fly rods, nets and spears were the preferred tools of most of the sailors. Jake, however, was not the world's most patient fishermen - hand grenades killed the most fish in the fastest fashion, making this Jake's favorite method.
One day the social committee decided to hold a luau and invite all the local villagers as a means of thanking them for their good will and assistance. As the Comms Center was a small unit their social budget was fairly meager, so it was decided that the sailors would hold a fishing derby with everyone to donate their catch for the luau. To encourage participation in the derby the social committee provided useful prizes, such as Texas mickeys of bourbon, et cetera.
As the commanding officer of the Comms Center Jake already had two major advantages (1) the use of the center's one boat - a small inflatable rubber raft, and (2) access to the hand grenade locker. However, this was to be a very big luau, and Jake wanted to make a big impression with the locals by winning first prize, so he decided to modify his fishing technique slightly. In exchange for an invitation to the luau to meet some of the pretty young local ladies, an army friend of Jake's supplied him with an ammunition can full of plastic explosives.
The day of the derby saw the sailors taking up positions all around the lagoon, casting their lines and their nets and snorkeling around with their spears at the ready. Jake rowed out to the middle of the lagoon with his ammo can full of plastic explosives and one hand grenade which was to be used as a detonator. Choosing a spot right over the deepest part of the lagoon Jake placed the hand grenade in a hole hollowed out of the plastic explosive, pulled the pin, closed the lid and chucked the ammo can over the side of the boat.
To Jake's complete surprise and horror the ammo can did not sink to the bottom of the lagoon as expected, but floated gently on top of the crystal clear water. The fishermen standing on the shore who had been watching Jake's performance all dropped their rods and ran into the jungle. At the last possible instant Jake dived overboard and started swimming straight down, trying to put as much water as possible between himself and his homemade bomb.
The bad news was that the concussion of the explosion knocked Jake senseless. The good news was that the explosion also blew Jake up out of the water and onto the beach. The bad news was that Jake killed just about every fish in the lagoon, so no one caught another fish there for two years. The good news was that Jake won the derby!
Submitted on 02/20/02
Submitted by:
ark Moore
Reference:
Personal Account
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