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Darwin Awards
2013 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Man misunderstands 'break & enter'

2013 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

When someone breaks into a house, apartment, business, or any sort of private property, typically the victims are the people who were robbed.

...However, in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, the perpetrator missed the memo.

When someone breaks and enters a building, most people can picture a person taking a large metal rod, smash in a window, grab what you want to get, and go home with the riches.

However, this criminal had it wrong; though he had a knife, he decided that the best way to break into a house was...walking -through- the window. Yes, by breaking the window with his body. Head first.

Not finding what he was looking for the first time, he decided to do it again, and went through the front window of a second house, where he faced off against a brave 86 year old woman who decided to hit him with her cane. Scared off by the old woman, he decided to jump through the back window of the old woman's house.

Unfortunately, after jumping through no less than three windows, the windows took its toll on the perpetrator. Sometime later, he was found in 'medical distress' (gee, I wonder why?), and, after a quick trip to the hospital, he passes away, ensuring that he will not continue his line of stupidity.

(WRITER'S NOTE: The old woman was injured during the scuffle, which may disqualify it from a Darwin Award. However, the injuries was unrelated to jumping through the windows but instead due to the scuffles, so I'll leave it up to you guys if you think this qualifies, or is rejected due to the injury. That all said, poetic justice? :) )

Submitted on 07/16/2013

Submitted by: The Legacy
Reference: http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/07/16/knife-wielding-intruder-in-hamilton-dives-head-first-through

Copyright © 2013 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Candi said:
Definitely Toss: Bystanders Hurt
Sorry, Legacy, but the injuries from the scuffles do disqualify this story. If she'd been uninjured, than I'd vote yes, because going through glass THREE times!? Good friggin' grief. Thank you very much, and please submit again!


Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: Bystanders Hurt
I'm afraid I have to agree with Candi on this. I also wish the article clarified what sort of "medical distress" the culprit ultimately succumbed to. My guess is that he bled to death, and if that's the case then I'd also consider this to be too common. We have lots of stories in our archives involving burglars, drunks, etc. breaking windows and bleeding to death as a result. Thanks just the same!


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