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Darwin Awards
2011 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Meth Lab Induced Sterility

2011 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

The story of how William ‘Billy’ Phelps acquired a new name and qualified for the pages of this publication were many years in the making. An industrious lad whose social calendar was unbounded by the hour of the day, Billy moved to the neighborhood with a flurry of home improvement activity. When the house could stand no further tinkering, the garden shed no more improvement and the yard no more planting, pruning, trimming or mowing he turned his efforts to maintenance of the gravel road. It was a wonder to all how he and his small group of friends maintained their home improvement enthusiasm.

It was only a couple years after Billy’s arrival that the source of his tireless ways was fully revealed. A half dozen sheriff vehicles in the yard, followed by inspectors in white moon suits and the methamphetamine unit put all the pieces in place. However, this is not the end of the story, only an intermission.

Two years later, after time spent on the public incarceration nickel, Billy returned. But this time the truth was known and Billy became a magnet for local law enforcement attention and neighborhood surveillance. The previous buzz of activity was somewhat dampened by the pall of lost chums that were detected, identified as fugitives and taken away by the local sheriff. The jig, as they say, was up.

Our story ends in striking fashion early the morning after a sheriff detective late night call to visit Billy and his friends. Details of the visit are cloudy, but there was no hiding the garden shed explosion that shook neighborhood windows, sent debris flying and started the forest on fire the next morning. The fire department, soon followed by the bomb squad, arrived at a surprisingly empty house. After completing the two hour job of dousing the flames they started the investigation. It didn’t take long to tie the empty gas cans inside and large industrial compressed gas bottle outside the garden shed to the likely cause of the incendiary blast that left only charred debris and strong residual chemical odors behind.

Shortly thereafter an appearance at the local hospital by a rather charred Billy, the hero of our story, completed the string of events.

It seems that after the sheriff detective’s visit Billy was motivated to spend a little time in the garden shed / meth kitchen cleaning up a few things. But things must have gotten a little out of hand even for the ever industrious Billy. Perhaps it was the unfamiliar concoction of chemicals he was disposing of. Perhaps he didn’t bother to set up his fume capture / containment /scrubber system. Maybe the foam sealant, so carefully applied to all the little cracks and air gaps in the shed to prepare it as an illicit pharmaceutical production facility aided in concentrating the vapors to produce the spectacular conflagration that blew the roof off and leveled the garden shed.

These details well never be known, but one thing is certain. The epicenter of the explosion was at workbench level. As a consequence, with our industrious Billy standing close by, the explosion, which did not kill him, did inflict the damage that now qualifies him for a Darwin Award and simultaneously earned him the new name William Billy ‘Les Johnson’ Phelps.

Here's the link to the article, and what was left of the shed: http://www.vashonbeachcomber.com/news/80660627.html

Submitted on 11/27/2011

Submitted by: Kevin Jones
Reference: Vashon Island Beachcomber, 1/8/2010

Copyright © 2011 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: Too Common
Thanks for a very amusing writeup, Kevin, but the fact still remains that meth lab explosions are VERY commonplace. Just use Google to search for "meth lab" in the news and you'll find lots of very similar articles.

Candi said:
Definitely Toss: Too Common
Unfortunately, what Bruce said. But, please, submit again; we need more writeups of this caliber!

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