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Darwin Awards
2010 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Road Safety Takes A Holiday

2010 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

2 At Risk Motorists -- 1 At Risk Pedestrian

There are similar stories but these are 3 short unique accounts of at-risk stupidity.

While working as a night security specialist at a rehab in Placerville, CA., I was on my way back to Placerville on US 50 when I noted something quite unusual about a traffic stop. This was about April, 2006.

I was about 1-2 miles back, clearly seeing what appeared to be a very elevated pickup truck in front of a CHP cruiser, off on the right hand shoulder. As I got closer, my eyes and mind refused to register the evidence of my senses: Some driver had been pulled over because he had a smaller pickup in the bed of a larger one, not chained down and no tailgate. Yep, he was hauling a small size pickup in the back of a 70’s era long-bed pickup. This is one of those things where when you get closer, you say to yourself “I just can’t believe this!” The look on the driver’s face was not unlike that of a defensive end pleading with a referee when the pass interference was so obvious my grandmother would have thrown a flag.

After seeing this one, a modified Jeff Foxworthy line came to mind: “If your non-working pickup sits in the bed of your working pickup … you might be a redneck.” Of course, this at-risk survivor put the lives of others at risk. One has to wonder what goes through the minds of some CHP officers when they start work in the morning …

Well, shortly after electing to be a freelance programmer and moving back to Ohio, about January of 2007, I was on the SE part of 275 that goes through Kentucky and then back into Cincinnati near the Bengals stadium via 471. Again, when one sees something very stupid, one’s mind refuses the evidence of his senses. A pickup driving in front of me had a full size BBQ grill in the back of it, one that would cook at least 20 steaks at a clip. It was not obviously secured and I was refusing to believe that someone was holding onto the grill at 70 MPH, by reaching his arm through the sliding window and holding onto one of the vertical supports of the grill.

At any given time on 275 or any highway out and about Cincinnati, one sees road kill, deer often enough, having been struck. My thought for this driver was if he had to maneuver suddenly due to a deer darting out in front of him or due to another motorist making an error he’d have to maneuver swiftly to avoid, that his shoulder joint was going to lose.

I really wanted to see that the BBQ was otherwise secured and curious I HAD to drive by him in the #1 lane to verify what was up. Nope… no other means of securing it other than his right arm … So this guy is driving with one arm holding onto a mass which clearly, if it flies out the back of his truck and he does a panic grip on it at that instant could take his arm with it.

I observed the plates and no, he was not from Kentucky. He was from Ohio.

The third account that made me round all these up happened last night here in Clearwater, FL. This conjures up memories of the DA Story “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?” I was traveling down Long St. last night headed home and from further off, noted someone appeared to be lying down in the road. There were 2 young girls there so I’m thinking “Is her friend injured or something?” No … her friend was lying down in the street and they were talking.

To be fair, Long St. is not heavily traveled and for most of its length does not even have a painted dividing stripe. However, what takes the cake off the table here is the look on the girl’s face who was lying down when I came to a full stop. If someone was injured I should call for help so I was checking this but as well, even though I had the distance to clear them, since someone was in the road, from the way I was taught to drive, make eye contact before passing by them. OK, even though she was lying down.

The look on her face was “What the hell are you looking at, bub?” and it was just too much.

After this instance, I just decided I was going to throw all these stories in a submission and fly it by you guys. These 2 gals were obviously 16 or younger so there is the youth limit for them but as long as they’re thinking in this way, who knows? An award could be forthcoming once they’re 17.

Submitted on 04/24/2010

Submitted by: Mike Durthaler
Reference: None -- Personal Account

Copyright © 2010 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Candi said:
Definitely Toss: Other
Sorry, Mike, but since nothing actually HAPPENED in any of these cases, they don't qualify. But THANK YOU for the laughs! :D And for future reference, submit one story at a time; if we receive multiple submissions on one sheet, and one doesn't qualify, we have to toss the whole rig. THANK YOU again!


Shadow said:
Definitely Toss: Other
As Candi said a Multi submission and even though one of these may have been Honorable mention worthy.


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