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Darwin Awards
2010 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Dieing To Horse Around Lasciviously

2010 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

A Boeing Engineer (we'll call Steed Stallion) in Enumclaw, Seattle WA had an erotically fatal attraction to horses.

It seems Steed decided to satisfy his urge for anal sex by going into a barn with two friends. We'll call them Bronco Buster and Colt Gelding. Bronco was there to film the dirty deed with Steed, and Colt, I'm assuming, was an aroused spectator.

There are many ways to die while doing the nasty with a horse: kicked in the head, shot by a farmer, falling off a ladder or trampled by a jealous spouse among them. However, very few would put perforated sigmoid colon on the list, I reckon.

Steeds sexual tastes ran a little different from most animal attracted sexual deviants it seems. While all of the beast loving men I've heard of, not that I've done a lot of research on the subject, want to be the penetrator and not the penetratee Steed was in the minority of this minor sexual prodicklection and that was his fatal flaw.

While Bronco yelled "ACTION" and Colt whetted his lips, Steed bent over and the horse began...Well I think you get it.

It was during this equine escapade that the horse, the guys referred to as "Big Dick", perforated the sigmoid colon of Steed Stallion.

The pain must have been excruciating, butt embarrassment must have been a sorer subject for him. So rather than go to the hospital, which I'm assuming he saw as a pain in the ass, he decided he should let his body heal itself. Not a very good idea and one would think that an engineer would be smarter than that. However, if you're dumb enough to...well you know.

This lack of medical action led to his painful end. (Pun intended) He contracted acute peritonitis and his final release from the earth soon followed.

Steed's death was a saving grace for all of animaldom in Washington State though. It seems that the state had never bothered to enact a bestiality law and the most they could charge his filming friend, Bronco, with was trespassing and bad directing. Colt escaped any chastening due to lack of evidence.

Senate Bill 6417 was introduced, by Senator Pam Roach, making bestiality a Class C felony. (I fail to see anything classy about it though) It passed 36-0. I can't imagine anyone dissenting publicly.

So Steed's lack of horse sense harnessed his soul to the great beyond where we can only hope he is getting penileized for his earthly deeds.

Submitted on 04/16/2010

Submitted by: Jonathan Brown
Reference: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=30811

Copyright © 2010 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Candi said:
Definitely Toss: Repeat
Sorry, Jonathan, but we've received this _many_ times since the incident occurred; "Enumclaw horse" search kicks up a mess of matches. Please check the dates on news items; sometimes old items are rerun, for updates or slow news days. Thanks anyway, and submit again.


Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: Repeat
As Candi said. Please be sure to do as the submissions page requests and search the archives for duplicates before submitting a story. Especially one as old as this. The linked article clearly states that this is from 2006.


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