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Darwin Awards
2010 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Doesn't taste like blood

2010 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

My brother likes to constantly renew his status as an “at-risk survivor”. He started his career when he was still in diapers, having had to have his stomach pumped for ingesting a poisonous plant, a bowl of mopping soap, a bottle of Amoxicillin, and some quarters, and he later moved on to being attacked by a monkey, breaking his cheekbone on a go-cart, shocking himself while trying to fix a washing machine barefooted in a puddle, and burning off half of his hair and one eyebrow during a New Year’s fireworks accident.

However, today, we’ll talk about his true passion and loyal source of pain: his four-wheeler. He had just driven from work to begin a four-wheeling weekend with a group of friends in the mountains of Tennessee when everyone decided to get their first ride in before sundown. His three friends took off down the trail and left my brother in the dust, and as competitive as he is, this is something he can’t stand. He got sight of them going down a long, straight trail through the forest and quickly accelerated to catch up. What he didn’t notice was the ninety-degree dog leg and the pine-covered embankment. His three friends prudently applied the brakes and turned, but not my little brother. At the last moment, he saw the lay of the land, jammed on the brakes, and jerked the handlebars. The four-wheeler’s outside wheels gripped rather well and threw him sailing through the air, the four-wheeler tumbling down the embankment. As he described it to me, while he was “pulling a Superman” through the air, he was going so fast, that all he had time to do was wince, let alone brace, before hitting the oncoming pine tree. He woke up on the ground, approximately 30 feet down from where he had hit the tree, helmet first, and then fallen, hitting every branch on the way down, like a rag doll, unconscious. When he woke up, with half of the helmet on each side of him, he was red all over, so he started to panic. He touches his shirt, and realized it wasn’t the consistency of blood, and tasted rather like berries.

His friends heard the commotion, and turned around to find my little brother sitting on a rock, covered in berry pulp, smoking a cigarette next to his destroyed four wheeler and broken helmet.

Submitted on 02/25/2010

Submitted by: Ryan richey
Reference:

Copyright © 2010 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: Too Common
While a very entertaining writeup, in the end this is just another case of idiocy with an ATV, and that's simply way too common. We have lots of stories in the archives that are similar to this. For me to accept an ATV-related story at this point it'd have to be more unique than the legally blind guy who died while driving one: http://darwinawards.com/slush/200709/pending20070919-082157.html


James said:
Definitely Toss: Too Common
I concur with Bruce, but a VERY good write-up!


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