How to Skin & Hang

The

Outlaw Outfitter. By

D.P. Vernon

After hunting the west for many years in the high Rocky Mountains, which can be the greatest adventure or possibility end in tragedy due to one slip on a steep mountain. This was on my mind when a good friend – Jimmy G. said he wanted to go to Colorado hunting with me. Jimmy had hunted all his life, but had never been in the high mountains hunting and I was concerned he could get hurt easily not knowing anything about safety in early winter and problems occurring at high altitude.

I have been lucky with only minor problems occurring on these hunts which are often horseback/pack trips into the wilderness for elk and deer. The previous year 2007 had been a near disaster for one hunter taking a bad fall on a steep shale covered ridge and then fell into a stream at night with temperatures falling into the single digits.

We decided to look for a guided ranch hunt for Jimmy’s first trip into the Rocky Mountains to hunt elk and deer. We found an outfitter that sounded good and had good references. He claimed to be just starting out and was trying to build up a great group of returning hunters, so his prices were reasonable. He was Mike Writ and his half brother Tom Smyth of American Antler Outfitters. Tom Smyth was the main guide and Mike was learning the business according to them. They claimed to have been hunting CO for 5 years in this area and had just leased this big ranch to hunt. It sounded great and I was excited to be able to take Jimmy to a place that I felt he could get his first elk with potential for a big bull.

We wanted to hunt muzzleloader season to be in the elk rut and booked the hunt with a 50% deposit mailed to CO. The hunt would be on near 8,000acs of private land and some horseback into the high wilderness if the elk were not down on the ranch.

I planned to take my horse to ride and asked Tom if this would be OK. Tom said no problem and there were corrals at the ranch for the horses. So I left Texas 3 days early to get my horse – Pete up there and give him extra days to adjust in case I needed him. Pete had been into the mountains on several trips and had no problems in some really tough country. On reaching the hunting cabin in CO and meeting Mike Writ all seemed fine. We unloaded my stuff, walked the horse for a while and got him fixed with hay & water. Mike said, we would take him over to the ranch in the morning. That night Mike, his wife and son left to go get more supplies and the other horses from Colorado Springs. The next morning Mike did not show up, so Pete had to stand tied to the trailer all day ---- I was getting mad. Late in the day Mike arrives and I told him we needed to move the horse. Mike acted like there was a problem and I insisted on getting Pete to where he could walk around right now. We took Pete to the ranch and Mike put him in the corral. Mike went to talk to the rancher and when he came back told me to not say the horse was mine.

FLAG No. 1 !!!!!!

That evening back at the cabin Mike showed me a picture of a real nice atypical buck he got on the ranch in archery. The next day two guys from NY arrived and got to talking about this big buck that Tom Smith had got in archery. Tom had emailed them pictures of this buck.

I questioned them about it and they were also saying that Mike and Tom looked a lot alike. ( Note: No one has seen Tom Smith in person). Later an assistant guide arrived and I asked him if he was there when they got the big buck in archery and who shot it???? He said,” Mike shot the buck.” So was Tom there too??? No, Tom was not there and he had not met Tom.

FLAG No.2

Note: Deer was taken Illegally::: No license or forged license on 2007 Colorado license paper, under felony trespass --- did not have permission to hunt.

NOTE::: Mike Writ had a nice Ruger Ranch rifle that he liked to show off and carried in his truck. This will come up at the end.

At the cabin that night Mike had our hunting licenses ( these were suppose to be landowners vouchers) and had the hunters all sign them. Mike did not give us the tags, but kept them inside a plastic bag in a folder. He said, that some hunters had lost their tags in the field and he would have them in the truck. It would be no problem since we would be on private land and this seemed totally wrong to me. Knew we should have licenses on us while hunting no matter where.

FLAG No.3

Day 3 is the beginning of the hunt and Mike is late getting to the cabin. Mike and wife are staying at another cabin a few miles away. Also, Tom Smyth has been called up to return to Iraq for the Army Reserve. So no one ever saw Tom. My friend Jimmy did not show up the night before and is found by Mike sleeping in his truck outside their cabin that morning.

So the 3 hunters and assistant guide head to the ranch. We are let off in different areas and told where to go to hunt. Mike was to be with me guiding and calling elk, but I’m hunting on my own in an area that I have never seen in the light of day. At first light I hear a bull and start stalking him. The bull is nice, but hoping for much better. Did not see any other bulls this morning and headed back to the ranch headquarters mid morning. Was met by Mike and Jimmy, they had been hunting another area and just looking at the area. Jimmy and I get into my truck to go to Fairplay to get a few things and then back to the cabin for planning afternoon hunt. On the way to town, Jimmy tells me that they saw a nice antelope buck and Mike wanted him to shoot it. Mike said he had tags for antelope too. I knew this was not right and this was Big FLAG No.1

Was getting really suspicious of Mike now.

That afternoon Jimmy and I were to meet Mike at the ranch to ride the back country looking for elk and a good deer. We got to the ranch to find the rancher just starting to trim & shoe Mike’s horse and we need to leave right then to have time to get up into the high pastures. So we decided to go into the ranch in my truck and hunt in two different areas that evening. I saw a nice buck, but not worth shooting. Jimmy saw nothing. Day 4 (second hunting day) we are to leave the cabin at 5:30am and again Mike is late, so at 6am Jimmy and I head out for the ranch to hunt in my truck. We covered lots of miles this morning and saw or heard nothing. I felt that most of the elk were still up high. We came back to the ranch headquarters mid-morning to find the rancher there working. The rancher had noticed the Texas license on my truck and came over to talk to us. The rancher asked the assistant guide if he was hunting here?? He said,” NO, I work for Mike!” Then the rancher turned to us with same question. We said,” Yes!” Then the rancher asked, “Are you paying to hunt here?” Again we said, “Yes, it is a guided hunt!”

Rancher turns Bright Red ---- Livid Fighting Mad!!!!!!! The rancher turns back to the assistant guide and tells him to go get Mike NOW (in very colorful terms to say the least) !!!!!!!!!!!! And says that was not our agreement and we are going to have a talk. Sounded more like a ass kicking was coming to me. This rancher was super major pissed off!!!!

At this moment I was sure Mike Writ was involved in Felony Trespass and Felony Game Theft!!!!! But did not want to tell Jimmy till I was absolutely sure and see his first elk & deer hunting trip ruined. So told assistant guide we were going to run to town for lunch and to have Mike back at the cabin so we could talk after lunch. Jimmy and I returned to the cabin to find the 2 NY hunters, assistant guide, assistant guide’s Dad and No Mike!!!! I was major pissed off now --- not a good thing!!!!!!!!! All the hunters were really mad by this time. Mike Writ had told the assistant guide to tell us if we did not like the way he was running things to have us just pack up and leave!!!! I got Livid Mad and insisted that the assistant guide go get Mike. The assistant guide sent his Dad to look for Mike and on the way he saw a Park Co. sheriff and bought him back since he was afraid for his son with the problem at hand.

The officer talked to all of us for awhile and in the process we discovered that the assistant guide had no guide license to boot. The officer need been a licensed guide before and knew the rules real well. The officer took off and said he would notify the Game Warden to look into what was going on. I had already decided to call the game warden and have him come out right then since this cabin had a land line phone. The only reason I did not call him earlier was just hoping that all could be explained and not ruin Jimmy’s hunt. But now was sure Mike Writ was heavy into felony activity!!!

Game Warden Mark Lamb arrived after 2 hrs and we all told him all that seemed wrong. Mark Lamb knew the rancher well and called him. Mark then said we definitely have some violations here on Mike Writ. Mike Writ had finally given hunting licenses to the 2 NY hunters the previous day at their strong insistence. Mark Lamb was looking at the licenses and recording numbers. Mark states that the licenses looked funny, but did not know what was wrong. Mark Lamb left to look for Mike Writ and try to figure out what is going on. The assistant guide then gave Jimmy and me our hunting licenses. And starting packing to leave too --- he had heard enough and knew Mike was not doing right at this point.

Mark found Mike Writ and told him he had a bunch of very unhappy hunters at the cabin. Mike told Mark lamb to throw all of us out to which Mark Lamb told him to do it yourself.

Mark Lamb was just watching to learn all possible.

I had also decided to try to call the head guide--- Mike’s half brother Tom Smyth. And decided to look at both Mike’s and Tom’s cell numbers and the HUGH FLAG went up. They are the same number. Had the other hunters look at their phones for the numbers ---- same number!!!! Told them there is NO Tom Smyth --- it is the same guy running a hugh scam!!!!!

Mike Writ had talked a ton about the hunting website and that his wife setup most of it and his son was great at programming computers to help in the business. His wife’s name was listed on the bottom of the web page as setup by her.

Mark Lamb returned with Mike Writ late that evening and Mike told us to leave now. I told Mike, “There is NO Tom Smyth and you are going to prison!”

Mike tried to act like nothing was wrong and blow it all off ---- made him look even more stupid. Mark Lamb is just standing back listening and taking note of all.

We all were finishing loading up and Mark says he is leaving if that is OK. I went by Mark with a load and told him not to go anywhere and watch Mike, which he did till we all got into our trucks. We had been told by Mike’s wife that he was an Iraq Vet and had been blown up in a hummer from a roadside IED. And Mike also suffered from battle stress disorder---- not real stable!!!! I was concerned Mike would go crazy on us and had a 45 auto in the back of my belt. NY hunters went home and Jimmy & I stayed in town to hunt on our own. Mark Lamb went to check all the licenses and outfitter information on Mike Writ thru the DOW.

Here is where it gets totally Wild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here is what Mark Lamb found out on top of what we already know was wrong::: 1. The Colorado licenses were forged on stolen 2007 CO license paper. Printed at Mike Writ’s home in Colorado Springs and Mike’s son programmed the computer to print them. Felony 2. Mike Writ does not have a CO guide license or permits to hunt on any property in CO. Felony Trespass 3. Mike Writ is not his real name!!! His real name is Michael Wright. And has no military service time recently. May have been in the service some yrs back. Felony impersonation. 4. Michael Wright is a Felon and was carrying a gun. Felony 5. Plus the earlier private land Felony Trespass on the ranch and Felony Game theft.

On top of all this felony fun and games there is more:

1. Taking money across state lines from a fraudulent illegal business is Felony Mail Fraud. 2. Setting up a fraudulent illegal business with multiple partners to get money to support felony activity falls under ORGANIZED CRIME ----- Major Felony!!!! 3. They were not declaring most the illegal felony gained money from many hunters ( 65 in the fall of 2008) --- Felony Banking Fraud and Felony Tax Fraud!!!!!

Michael Wright was arrested by Mark Lamb and then bonded out of the Fairplay jail. The DOW went to Michael’s home and took all the computers and stolen license paper. Michael went right back to doing the same things the next week and was again arrested. Michael has been in the Fairplay jail since that time on a $250,000 Cash Bond and has finally pleaded guilty to several state charges. He has other charges pending and a good number of Federal charges still to come up.

On March 28th 2009, Michael Wright hanged himself with a sheet in jail and is finally gone from the gene pool.

Have High Hopes that Michael Wright wins the Top Darwin Award for 2009 !!!!!!! This story will be sent into the Darwin Awards for Michael.

I have seen stupid people set themselves up to hang, but Michael wins at not missing any chance to make absolutely 100% sure of hanging himself for good!!!

Finally, if you hunt with an outfitter anywhere in the United States check their references and be sure they are licensed guides in that state with no problems. There are still lots of Outlaw Outfitters out there to go around, so Happy Hunting and Hang a Big One!!!!!

Submitted on 10/25/2009

Submitted by: David Vernon
Reference: 10-1-08

Copyright © 2009 DarwinAwards.com

Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: Other
Wow, that's one really long and detailed submissions, David, but I think you could have summarized it just as easily. If I wasn't a moderator I would have stopped reading after just the first few lines... Unfortunately we can't accept this as we don't award suicides except under extremely unusual circumstances, and this simply doesn't reach that level. Hanging oneself in a jail cell for whatever reason simply isn't bizarre enough. Thanks just the same.

James said:
Definitely Toss: Other
As Bruce said!

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