Charles Darwin's Darwin Awards 
HOME
Darwin Awards
At-Risk Survivors
Slush Pile
2009 July Rejects
The good, the bad, the idiot
Demolition derby official dies fro
Extremely Distracted Drivers
Members Only
Mother drives minivan wrong way
Climbing old sparky.
Redneck Luxury Vehicle Delivery Inc
Boy wanted to become transformer
Boats Stay on Water for Lightning
propane and cigarettes
Move down wires with bare hands!
Look...No hands!
that's nice oh yeah i'm dumping you
Man Falls to Death
Homemade Chemical Warfare
Anglesey pensioner died after fireb
Russian “coolant glutton” dies tryi
Psssst.... POW
Teen killed by ride on big rig
Boy drank gasoline to copy his TV h
Brick Thieves Die Horribly as Build
Teen blown out of pickup dies
Man Loses iPhone Jumps to His Death
Burglar Stuck in Window Dies
Outback Steakhouse
Drunk Driving, Texting, No Seatbelt
Passing away at Brothels
Teen's party
Teen Accidentally Shoots Self
Man refused liver transplant dies
Teenage boy sucked into pool pump
Work-release inmate fakes own kidna
Submit forum easier
Guy inside a truck
Smoking kills
PA Experimental Arc Solderer
Coroner: Man shot self by accident
squirrels-1 Man-0
And Don't Forget to Look Both Ways
Mailbox kills woman leaning out of
Coroner: Man shot self by accident
Air Mattress Fix Causes Explosion
Excretitory missle
Man Shot Himself by Accident
man dies in wheelie bin
Teacher crushed in bin lorry
"meals on wheels"
Shocking Death, LOL
Air Conditioning via Carbon Monoxid
No Oxygen, but Cozy
He Burned His Face off Again
Dumb Bank Robber
Man tries to fix airbed, blows up a
Man dies after falling into vat of
Seconds, Please
German blows up flat with airbed
Teacher's Crush
Flat blown up in air bed accident
Woman leans from truck, hits head
There's a bear in my kitchen
Twitter is one' Killer application!
Ukrainian Talent Audition Goes Horr
Airbed Blows Up Apartment
Really Dumb Driver
Man crushed inside rubbish Truck
Relationship comes off the rails
Truck Passenger Dies When Head Hits
Bride's Bouquet is the Bomb
Nonsense Knocked into His Head
Wheelie bin man crushed to death
Turner
Dumpster Death
Looking for the Parking Croc
Tweeting to death
Teacher in garbage truck
Woman killed when she leans out of
Wheelie bin man crushed to death
Hwy 108 Runover Victim Dies
Going Postal
Woman/Truck Window/Mailbox
Dumber than Dogs
Wheelie bin man crushed to death
Fireworks Head Big Bang
Not a good place to sleep!
Teen sucked into pool pump
Scott Williams, 35, crushed to deat
Woman dies after leaning out of tru
Blumenthal style chef loses hands
Car surfers with drunk driver
Supposedly smart people win Darwins
We're Bullish on Spain.
Texting Teen falls down manhole
L.A. Worker Killed...
Woulbe rapist loses private parts
Safety First
Car theft gone wrong
Man dragged through Toronto by trai
Man dies after dive from cliff
Teenage boy sucked into pool pump
Teenage boy sucked into pool pump
It's only a pair of goggles
Teen sucked into a pool pump
Memory Machine
A ride down the tubes
Man attacks car hood, dies
HM: Texting Teen Falls Into Sewage
The wedding bouquet hits the engine
car roof surfin
Future Darwinite: The Danger of WWT
Surfing to death
Fatal car surfing
How Many Warning Lights Do You Need
Gonne Fishing
OMG. S#it
Woman kills man during foreplay
Russian Talent Show
Not quite - but this guy is definit
Stopped on a dime?
Man dies from falling in chocolate
Died from [obvious] lack of Oxigen
Death by Chocolate
I can't put my finger on it.
Falling Into Vat of Choclate
Suicide bomber kills only himself
Emboscada de "Zetas"
dibble man killed by freak firework
Man blows himself up while fishing.
Yet Another Dumb Copper Thief
quad bike over cliff
'Car surfer' dies from injuries in
car in fatal crash flies onto 14
Bing, Bang, and Crash
Car Surfer Dies in Quebec
Propane sniffer burned after lighti
SUV Surfing
One Last Cigarette
Expreme Car Surfer dies in Montreal
Robber Killed
Urban Surfing No Charmed Exisitance
Car surfing in Quebec
Canadian Car Surfing with Charm
Penis Amputation
Propane sniffer burned after lighti
Man dies from car surfing injuries
Car Surfer
Fish food
Eastern Cape SA Initiations
Skateboarder dies "skitching"
Fishing With Dynamite
Wife blows MI6 chief’s cover
Boy asphyxiated on clothes line
Pond Eddy man electrocuted
Never doubt the gun is loaded
Chano Baba's curve.
Bradley soccer still healing from f
Fishy business
Respect me in the morning?
Man climbs barricade and drowns
Robber Killed with Own Gun
David Caradine
Plastic Surgery Done Cheap
Balancing Act
Exit where entered
Two Separate Bridges?
LOOK before You leap
Bike rider killed at Anchorage inte
He doubted the gun was loaded.
Python stops genes from petowner
Tattoos used to ID copper thief
Sullivan County Man Electrocuted
Gas Station Robbers Caught When The
Don't let your Friends Drink & Saw
POWER THIEF
Michael Jackson Wins 2009 Darwin
Older Rejects 
 
~ Random Story ~
Email Alert!
NEW! Gift Shop
Rules  Search
Contact Darwin
Submit a Story
Philosophy Forum
Home

  

Darwin Awards
2009 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Memory Machine

2009 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Police Solve Case by Inventing "Memory Machine" Tammuz 21, 5769, 13 July 09 09:44 by Hillel Fendel

(Israelnationalnews.com) The Tel Aviv Police Department “invented” a new machine that seemed likely to change the face of criminal interrogations – but it will apparently not be used more than once.

The contraption was called a “memory machine,” and was used to persuade a murder suspect that, contrary to his impassioned and repeated claims, he in fact did remember what happened the night of the murder.

Maariv/NRG reports that the story began two weeks ago, when the body of Andrei Shalhov was found outside his home in the central Israel city of Yahud. His neighbor Andrei Polokhin, 47, was arrested, after it was learned that the two had gotten into a fight, which ended with the stabbing death of Shalhov.

The investigation was entrusted to the Dan Region Police, headed by Superintendent Itzik Kumriel. Polokhin refused to cooperate, claiming he was drunk at the time and doesn’t remember a thing.

One of the detectives then had an idea. He rushed to nearby Tel HaShomer Hospital and requisitioned an ECG machine used to check cardiac activity, together with the printout of the annual ECG exam performed on one of the detectives the day before.

The detective then summoned Polokhin for a “memory test.” The suspect did not object, and the detective attached several electrodes to his head and chest, other wires to a laptop computer, and began asking questions. Polokhin continued to maintain that he did not remember, and finally, at the end of the “exam,” the detective told him, “You’re lying! The exam shows that the memory in your head is full and that you do remember!” He showed him the printout as proof – and the suspect, faced with the “evidence,” could do nothing but confess that he did, in fact, remember everything and that he killed his neighbor.

Polokhin then reviewed the events of that night in detail, and later reenacted the killing itself.

The police later explained to him that in actuality there was no such thing as a “memory machine” – though they did have to include the ECG printout as part of the “investigation material” in the file they submitted to the court.

Submitted on 07/13/2009

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: Arutz Sheva - July 13, 2009 (http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/Flash.aspx/167874)

Copyright © 2009 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: Other
Thanks, but this story doesn't fit into any of our rules. There's no self-selection (confessing to a murder doesn't qualify), there was an innocent victim (the murder victim), there's no removal from the gene pool, etc. Please make sure submissions adhere to all the posted rules.


Candi said:
Definitely Toss: Other
What Bruce said. Try dumbcrooks.com for this kind of story.


The Darwin Awards Gift Shop

The Darwin Awards Condom

Keep yourself out of the gene pool!
A condom in a matchbook, useful for emergency contraception, bachelor parties, frat parties, and important rites of passage. LOADED inside and out with funny quotes and stories. Everyone loves this item!
Friends don't let friends reproduce!
$13 for Pack of 4

 

 

Slush Pile
Slush Pile Rejects

HomeRulesFAQsAwardsSlushSite Map
DarwinAward | HonorableMention | PersonalAccount | UrbanLegend