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2009 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
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Physics Laws 'Repealed', One Dead

2009 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

http://www.thestarphoenix.com/Business/Worker+ignored+safety+warnings/1680090/story.html

http://www.canada.com/saskatoonstarphoenix/story.html?id=867b820c-14c7-45f7-a046-0b2395bdd359 ---

Two laws of physics were repealed this past December 10, but the universe did not get the message.

In the first instance, despite repeated warnings that such repeals took time to work through the natural world, a 23-year-old construction worker decided he could safely flout the so-called Law of Gravity after its repeal. Choosing not to secure his fall-arrest line, he descended a scaffold, which shifted suddenly. At this point the worker must have realised that the law was still in effect in this jurisdiction, as he plummeted 20 metres to his death. He was not married at the time of his death, and he is believed not to have reproduced.

The second instance occurred contemporaneously with the first. A co-worker of the above decedent saw the worker fall. Believing the Law of Conservation of Momentum to have been repealed, he attempted to catch the falling worker. The natural world, however, transferred the falling momentum of the decedent to the well-intentioned 35-year-old catcher, the vector value of the worker's mass times his velocity at impact. Fortunately, in this near miss the receiving worker merely sustained 'a broken vertebrae[sic], concussion, broken right foot, damage to his left knee and bruised forearms.' The second worker reflected on the incident: 'It was just too bad what happened,' he said. 'I was lucky I was wearing a hard hat.' He continues to recover at home on the dole.

In related Darwinian news, the employer of the hapless 23-year-old was cited by the government for not being able to read minds or enforce telepathic mind control on the accident victim.

This reporter certainly feels it is long past time to ensure these law repeals go forward as expeditiously as possible. As this incident confirms, more will die or be seriously injured, until every last physics law is removed from the books. Had these repeals gone forward properly, these two lives would not have been so irrevocably altered. How many more must pay the price before the natural world comes to its senses?

Submitted on 06/10/2009

Submitted by: Marc H. (formerly of Saskatoon)
Reference: Saskatoon Star-Phoenix, June 10, 2009

Copyright © 2009 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

James said:
Definitely Toss: Too Common
People ignoring safety regulations are numerous, and so is the resultant body count. In this case, his employers might have prevented his demise by threatening to fire him if he didn't comply, so they do share at least a little of the blame...


Candi said:
Definitely Toss: Too Common
What James said. I really really really like this write-up. :) And I don't blame the employer; too many people these days have an "It can't happen to me/I know better than they do" attitude problem. Thanks, Mark, and please submit again!


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