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2009 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Self gratification fail

2009 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Woman Dies After Using Jackhammer As Dildo Posted on May 5, 2009 by tubesteak

ARNDALE, OK – Sheriff’s investigators have closed the unsettling case of a 49-year-old female construction worker found dead in her driveway after a neighbor witnessed her using a high-powered jackhammer to pleasure herself.

After a two-day investigation in which officials initially suspected foul play–Shirley Dent’s death on May 1 has now been ruled an accident “after severe internal distress induced by the machine was discovered,” Det.-Sgt. Karl Sprout of the Alpara County Sheriff’s Office said yesterday.

On May 1, a neighbor witnessed a naked Ms. Dent in her driveway “struggling to direct a jackhammer toward her mid-section.” The alarmed neighbor notified police after hearing ear-splitting moans of distress that carried over the raucous jackhammer. Authorities arrived at the scene to an unresponsive Ms. Dent, who was then transported to West Grenier Hospital where she was pronounced dead shortly thereafter.

The recently divorced Ms. Dent had been questioned by authorities three times over the past month after neighbors complained of her running a prostiution ring from her home. Records also show that Ms. Dent supplemented her income as the sole proprietor of a sex toy distributor.

Ms. Dent’s alleged extracurricular activities appear to be unrelated to her death. A neighbor who declined to be identified said, “She was a horny lady, especially after her husband moved out. My family could hear moans coming from her place all the time.”

Submitted on 05/23/2009

Submitted by: Hans Paulini
Reference: http://www.pretty-scary.net/content/woman-dies-after-using-jackhammer-dildo-seriously 23.5.09

Copyright © 2009 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: Repeat
Thanks, but we've already received this story a few times. Please be sure to search both the slush and reject piles before submitting stories to make sure it's not a duplicate. This story smacks of being an urban legend not only because of the content and how its written, but because it first appeared on a website that contains other obviously fake news stories. There hasn't been a single verifiable account of this story.


Graham said:
Definitely Toss: Repeat
I agree. The story to date lacks verisimilitude and is probably "urban legend".


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