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Darwin Awards
2009 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Putting the "i" in eye-bolt

2009 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

In 2003 I was working in the second largest Emergency Department in the Kansas City Area as an ED Tech. Early one morning a 43 year-old, caucasian male came to the Triage area with a complaint of groin pain. Once the patient was moved into an exam room he refused to allow the female nurse to examine the affected area and asked if a male MD was on duty at that time. The MD needed a second person in the room due to hospital policy, and as all the RNs were female, I was elected to accompany the MD.

The patient reported to the MD and I that while he was sleeping his girlfriend had apparently placed his penis through the opening of a large eye-bolt and then teased him to full arousal. Upon examination of the area we observed not only the patients penis, but his testicles as well, had been pulled through the approximately 2 inch hole of the eye-bolt.

His penis was fully erect, and being unable to drain due to the constriction of the ring, had caused a huge amount of swelling in his testicles.

After considering all of our options in the ED, including getting a consult from the head of maintainance (who almost passed out at the sight of the patients genitals), we called in an orthopedic surgeon who took the patient to the OR and used a titanium-bladed bone saw to cut the ring on each side while an OR nurse kept the area cool with a constant flow of saline.

Fortunately, for the patient if not the gene pool, the patient did not suffer any long term damage.

Submitted on 05/08/2009

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: None - protected patient information

Copyright © 2009 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: No Self-Selection
Ouch, that poor guy! Unfortunately his predicament was caused by his girlfriend and not himself, so there's no self-selection here. If he had done this to himself, rather than his significant other, then we'd definitely have a winner here! Thanks just the same.


James said:
Definitely Toss: No Self-Selection
Painful indeed, but as Bruce said it was his girlfriend who caused this (though obviously with his full consent)!


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