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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Listening to Homer... Simpson

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

10 December 1968, far behind the iron curtain a nuclear accident is about affect two victims. Ok off the bat you're probably thinking; "Nuclear accident? Would you also mock Chernobyl casualties?" If any of them did what I'm about to describe then the answer would most certainly be, "Yes, just hear me out."

On that day, at the Soviet Mayak Production Association, an experiment in purification of an organic plutonium solution was taking place. Essentially they had a "soup" which contained plutonium in addition to other elements and were trying to find a good way to remove the other stuff leaving pure plutonium. In charge was the experiment supervisor who, for convenience sake, will be called Joe. Actually performing the hazardous task was a guy, who for the same reason as Joe, will be called Boris. The safety supervisor, Homer, also plays an important role because messing with stuff like this is dangerous. The thing about plutonium is that once there is a certain amount in a small space, self sustained nuclear chain reactions begin to occur, like those in a nuclear reactor, which causes the release of dangerous radiation. (This is one reason why reactors in western countries tend to be placed inside buildings surrounded by a reinforced concrete structure several meters thick.)

The solution had formed two layers, sort of like the way tomato soup creates a "skin", and Boris was assigned by Joe to separate them. As Boris was just about to finish pouring the "skin" into a smaller vessel, a rapid series of events occurred. Nearly simultaneously, Boris noted a bright flash accompanied by a pulse of heat and at the same time radiation detectors in both facility buildings went off. Again I know what you're thinking, "Boris doesn't deserve to be mentioned because Joe told him to conduct a bad experiment!" and of course you're right, but Boris survived because he did the prudent thing; Dropped the flask he was holding and ran. Luck was with Boris in that the reaction wasn't energetic enough to kill him, but he did get sicker than anyone reading this probably ever has and did lose a few appendages as well. Homer, the safety supervisor, showed up and ordered that nobody be allowed access to the room where the accident occurred. This seems like both a simple and logical order to obey given the circumstances.

Joe, for whatever reason, decided his best course of action was to deceive Homer into leaving the area so he could get into the accident room which at the same time made him a candidate for immortality here forty years later. Once inside nobody knows for sure what he did, what is known follows; Moments after entering, radiation alarms in both buildings went off again, and Joe bolted out of the room covered in "skin of plutonium soup". The report theorizes he was attempting to clean up the prior spill, and in so doing managed to start another reaction more powerful than the first which killed him 30 agonizing days later. (If he was concerned about repercussions of an accident happening on his watch in the USSR circa 1968; It would have been simpler to tie a noose or dive from a tall place.)

So you might be thinking, "That was long and complicated, who are you nominating and why?" For entering a radioactive room, interacting with a quantity of plutonium known to be capable of going critical by doing so minutes earlier, and ignoring the guy whose job it was to keep him safe; Joe put in quite a bit of effort to remove himself from further activity in the gene pool. (Seriously, even if Homer was Homer Simpson, ignoring him and going into a radioactive room is just dumb.)

Submitted on 11/20/2008

Submitted by: Rich
Reference: Los Alamos nat'l laboratory: http://library.lanl.gov/la-pubs/00538245.pdf Page 40

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: No Self-Selection
I think it's fairly well known that the Soviets, during the height of the cold war, considered safety a distant second when it came to research like this. The culture at that time was one of covering up mistakes, avoiding unwanted scrutiny from higher-ups, etc. I see this accident as a result of the overall social, political, and economic conditions of the time. Thanks just the same.


Shadow said:
Definitely Toss: No Self-Selection
I agree with Bruce, there is no self selection here. thanks tho!


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