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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

friday night lights

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I have always wondered why I was able to cruise home every night during the week and arrive from my construction job well before 5:00pm. That is , every night except Friday night. Being curous and inquisitive i began to search for a reason for this. What I noticed is that the signal lights at major intersections and on main thoroughfares no longer functioned as they had during the middle of the week. In fact, the timing from Friday afternoon onward seemed intent upon making it as difficult as possible to arrive at the bank in time to cash or deposit the paycheck for the week's work. When I asked the city officials about this I was told that the traffic lights were synchronized to allow for the free flow of traffic but would hcange at night to prevent street cruising. I asked the city engineer why the change took place on Friday Afternoon. he did not have an answer. I soon found the answer and the culprit. While exiting the freeway and ttrying to get to my bank before it closed I saw a line of cars at the off-ramp that reached up to the freeway. Traffic was stalled in all directions as the traffic lights would not allow for the flwo of traffic. I joined another pick-up in a mad dash down the shoulder while praying the CHP wasn't in the area. When I got to the intersection and swerved around the corner and cut off another car to get into the parking lot of my bank with 3 minutes to spare i saw a lonely old figure hunched over the utility box on the street that housed the traffic controls. After I cashed my poaychack I walked out of hte bank and studied this person. There he was, with a sour expression on his face, a middle-aged man who appeared to be enjoying what he was doing. He had a bumper sticker in the rear window of his truck that said unknind and unrepeatable things about ex-wives. I watched as he finished and closed up the traffic control panel. I though I ntoiced a sadistic leer on his face as the traffic was backed up at the intersection of the main road and the freeway for at least a mile in all directions. That CAlTrans would trust someone such as that with the lives and tempers of countless motorists is beyond me. But it is true, the reason for the Friday night commute is ther is some old fart who has been divorced at least once if not twice that is out there wreaking his vengeance on the face of Southern California for the way lilfe has treated him. I know, I have seen him at work.

Submitted on 10/03/2008

Submitted by: steven davis
Reference: taffic signal timing and synchonization

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Candi said:
Definitely Toss: No Self-Selection
No one died or was threatened with such by their own stupidity, steven, so we can't accept this. Please read the rules before submitting again. And if you have witnessed this guy illegally adjusting light timers, get online, find out who his boss is, and report him before someone DOES get hurt. Thank you, and submit again!


Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: No Self-Selection
What Candi said.


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