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man dies in spitting competition
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2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

The Agony and the Ecstasy

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I can vouch for this, even if the doctors who treated this woman can’t because of their Hippocratic oath. The person who told me this story is the trusted mother of a good friend.

(In case anyone cares, this dates back to 1989.)

My friend’s mother is a nurse in an OB-GYN clinic that is shared space for about 7 practicing doctors. One of the doctors routinely volunteered once a month in the emergency room at a hospital in a rough section of town - in this case downtown Atlanta, and came back to her regular job at the Dunwoody clinic on a Monday with this story:

She’d been shown by a nurse to a patient in an examining room who was definitely not from the wrong side of the tracks. She was probably in her late 60s, white, dressed very conservatively, and looked perfectly healthy. This was not a black patient with a gunshot wound. When asked what the problem was, the patient lowered her voice and answered that she’d elected to come to a hospital in another section of town because she didn’t want word getting back to her physician husband about why she was in a jam. She also added that because said husband was often out of town at conferences, she was lonely…and had taken to masturbation on a frequent basis. Unfortunately, she’d made the mistake of trying it on that evening with a lightbulb…and the lightbulb had gotten stuck. She was afraid to pull it out in case it broke, so she was forced to go to an ER on the wrong side of the tracks.

Submitted on 05/08/2008

Submitted by: Caroline
Reference: -no media available - from 1989

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: No Self-Selection
Thanks for an amusing story, Caroline, but even if it had broken it probably wouldn't have caused any permanent harm (unless she opted to try to treat herself rather than go to the hospital, but that's another story). As this is just really a story about personal embarrassment and not true Darwin-style stupidity I'm afraid I can't vote for it. Thanks just the same.


Candi said:
Definitely Toss: No Self-Selection
The possibility of the bulb breaking is there, but at her age its chances of interfering with child-bearing is about nil. Thank you, and try again!


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