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The Jihad Rabbit
Girls Sunbathing on Tracks Dismembe
Teen on the tracks
searched:Tanning Train Railroad
Sunbathing on the Tracks
Making silly bets can kill...
Hazards of Sunbathing
Two girls sunbathing on train track
Not Hit and Run, But Run and Hit
Training for a Darwin award?
Eco-Terrorism On Orcas
Dangerous Sunbathing
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Sunbathers get run over by train
Update to gian leap of madness
Go play on the Freeway
Final Buffet
Man Overboard
The World's Dimmest Terrorist
Strange Behavior
Death by Wired Bras
Revere boy, 5, killed by train
Train Hits Teen Girls Sunbathing On
Kid in the cockpit
Fatal bandwidth
Death during sm sexplay
don't inflate your kids
RE: Acetylene torch
Scrap Metal Hunter Killed By Train
Man Hurts Himself Trying to Loosen
Utah Man Hunting Skunk Accidentally
what it would be like to jump from
Scrap Metal Hunter Killed By Train
Man dies after shoting self in head
Surprise! Well, not really........
Man dies after shooting self in hea
Farmer shoots self instead of skunk
Apparent copper wire thief electroc
Box Elder farmer accidentally kills
It is a pickup not a stand up truck
Fixxing up my heart
Food trip of his dreams
Lottery Ticket Kills Upstate NY Man
PVS exploration
Hang-man for real
Death after BBQ !
the little rabbit
Happy As A Hog In Mud
Two die after 3am microlight joyrid
Dumb Ramp
Microlight IQs
Men dead after 3am microlight joyri
Fatal private race
Don't flee the police
dead by gas
Man uses gun for backscratcher, sho
Cristmann mit Gas vergiftet
Aero Club shocked, confused at micr
Man dies while fleeing car accident
Horny Man Ingests Toad Venom, Croak
Bufo Toad Aphrodisiac
Germans moderators died on barbecue
Couple held over Coutroom Incident
Shocking Moment of Clarity
Toxic gases kill tv star
Almost Boared to Death
Braves Fan Falls to Deaths
Fan Sliding on Railing Falls, Dies
Spit himself to death
Man Dies in Spitting Contest
Train Surfing
Don't throw your life away
The Flying Priest
Run, Spit and Die
Aim to win the sequel
Man found dead along tracks
Decapitated Burglar
How to Total an $80 Million Airbus
gas tank cut with grinding machine
suspend yourself from a high bridge
Myanmar
Myanmar
Spit contest
Final Flight
Canadian Pierces Lover's heart in b
CT Man Accidentally Kills Himself
Man dies in spitting contest
Surfer takes train
A spit of fame
Taser Duel
Taser Duel
Suicide by wood chipper fails
Grilled Wieners
NYS WIN $2000.00 a WEEK for LIFE
Another railing kill!
Spitting to death
Two tracks, two trains.
cheap cialis
cialis
viagra
Wife guilty in husband's death duri
Father Cuts Off His Genetic Line
There's nothing like a goat
Balcony Climber Goes for Fatal Swim
How to relieve an itch
iPod listener killed by train
Man dies in spitting contest plunge
Man Dies in Spitting Contest Mishap
Wreck near Greensboro kills three
Man dies spitting from balcony
Cigarette lighter + gasoline tanker
man dies in spitting competition
Spti to Death
headphones and helicopters
Man uses gun to scratch back; shoot
Doting Dad Hit By Train
Sex Game Goes Awry
Spit of death
Spit till you drop
Ipod Ignorance
Brains: Don't Leave Home W/o Them
Ute arsonist sets fire to himself
Whaat? I Looked Both Ways.
Merced Man loses game of Russian ro
Man uses gun for backscratcher
the animal attack that wasn't
Human Trebucet Ammunition
Eartha Kitt
Fisherman Electrocuted
Dude... Where's my IPOD
Balcony Affairs
Cops under fire for giving cigarett
Man killed
Man uses gun to scratch back
Man uses gun to scratch back
Tazed While On Duty
helicopter kills pedestrian
Gravity still applies to us all.
Powerful fishing
Overhead Train Wires
Man dies in spitting competition
Spitting contest
Motorcyclist without helmet dies in
Man dies in spitting contest plunge
A gun is not a good back scratcher
Nail gun suicide gets arrested
Man uses gun as backscratcher
Deadly spit contest
smoking can kill - the last smoke
Lethal jump during a spit contest
who spits more distant?
SPIT CONTEST
gun for back scratcher
Man uses gun for backscratcher, sho
A gun is not a backscratcher
Man struck by train
Man Struck By Train
You pick it
Tombstoning into Shallow Water
Pier jumper 'may not walk again'
Aussie straps in beer, not child
The Flying Prist is Bye Bye
The Last Casualty of the Civil War
Kerosene-soaked man catches fire af
Robert - Honorary Mention
Dirt bike collision kills area teen
Le concours de crachat finit (mal)
Kerosene-soaked man dies after lig
Motorcycle Chicken
Kerosene and smoking
Kerosene-soaked man dies after lig
Kero-soaked Japanese smoker dies in
Japanese Lighter
Train: 1, TeenagersL 0
Ends the sarch for the Braz. Priest
A dog day afternoon
Search teams stop search for priest
Self submission for a near miss
Reckless Driving
Idiot Decoration
IT's a Fair Cop
Fan dies after falling from train
The ELECTRIC POOL BBQ picture
'You couldn't stop Adam'
Robber gets locked up in 7-Eleven!
Pant Constrictor
Darwin by Proxy
Man dies of injuries in accident
Man killed after bitten by Shar-Pei
Hold Your Wee For A Wii
The Agony and the Ecstasy
Man hit by train was on cell phone
Handcuffed Inmate hurt in courtroom
man showing off new gun shoots self
Fatal schoolbus crash shuts down Hw
Man talking on cellphone killed by
twist of fate
Wheelie-Bird
Man dies cutting RR wire
Priest Carli
bank ge money
Excuse, I was Crossing the Freeway
He tries to get $360 Billion
Officer dies after accidental shoot
Burglary Suspect Trapped Over Resta
Gas Thief
Off to heaven
The Brazilian balloon priest
Teen use lighter to look in gastank
Boom, Future award winner.
Idiot crashes father's Ferrari
Motoring Moron
Civil War Cannonball
Woman is run over and killed by her
Woman is run over and killed by her
Woman is hit by her own car
Guy plays chicken with train; loses
Don't forget the hand brake!
Woman Killed by Own Car
None
God-chair Carli
Gas thieves use cigarette lighter a
walking on the wrong track
Eighth-floor leap kills man
Viaduct jumper 'couldn't be stopped
The South will Rise Again?
Civil War Cannonball Kills Relic Co
BIC checks fuel level
Civil War Cannonball Kills Relic Co
Jethro and a metal detector?
I got gas!
More on the priest and baloon
Clear Creek off-roader paradise los
Man swallows drug filled condoms.
Was it cannonball run?
Drug addict crashes car
A Fool's Prayer Ends Progeny
Student Driver
SHocking Ensemble of Intelligence
Our Dry Ice Bomb
Truck falls, claims life of area ma
Boat
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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

None

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I don't have a way of emailing you guys and would like to help you make your story search routing check ALL your submissions. Have one of your techies read over my suggestion. If you're .Net/SQL types I'd love to help you out on this. If you're not .Net but using SQL on your back end, I could help you refine your search techniques to make them work more ideal.

From: Michael Durthaler [mailto:mdurthaler@sbcglobal.net]

Sent: Sunday, May 04, 2008 12:52 PM To: 'wendy@DarwinAwards.com' Subject: RE: DA Nomination: The South will Rise Again?

Read your reply over and thanks.

I did check the archives with the term "cannon ball" and no such search returned a result. Had I seen it was a repeat of course I would not have submitted it.

It would appear your search routine isn't set quite right. I do database work for a living. Pass this on to your IT person.

Apparently, if you're working with SQL and you probably are, you need to set the incoming search parameters to parse any individual words out and use this WHERE clause:

WHERE (whatever your Description, Text or whatever field is for your stories) LIKE '% (parameter passed in) %' .

This is a general command, of course. Somehow, you'll want to use parse the separate words out of the submitted parameters, which can be done in code behind. You'd want to test for a comma and any character after, then test for the next comma, etc. This way you could test for and get the number of search terms. Have instructions to users to ONLY separate words with a comma AND at least one blank space.

Non-savvy types will put ANY number of words in so you could limit your loop to 5 terms. That is, test for 4 blank spaces and any character after this, etc. This way, if someone puts in "Collector, cannon ball, explosion, killed, dead" you'd get only these terms. If they put in 10, only the first 5 would be used.

You'd then want to have optional variables passed in to your stored procedure and test IF EXIST @Parameter1 THEN BEGIN (procedure search) and so on. What you want to do is allow up to 5 parameters to be passed in, test IF EXIST for each one of them, assemble a query string or query strings using flow control in SQL and then do the search.

Then a savvy user could use ONE term and get a bunch of replies, use then TWO terms to refine it and so on.

With such a search routine in place I could have found in your database the very story I thought was original.

Let me know if you'd like me to take a whack at this. If you're using .Net and SQL, I could refine your search for you and make it work.

Let me know.

Michael Durthaler PO Box 4236 Newark, Ohio 43058-4236 740-739-4311

-----Original Message----- From: wendy@DarwinAwards.com [mailto:wendy@DarwinAwards.com]

Sent: Sunday, May 04, 2008 12:35 AM To: mdurthaler@sbcglobal.net Subject: DA Nomination: The South will Rise Again?

Hello!

The story you submitted, The South will Rise Again?, was reviewed by moderators

but unfortunately was not accepted for inclusion in the archives. If you are interested, you can read the moderator comments here:

Right now:

Later on:

Thank you for sharing this tale of stupidity with us.

- - -

This is an automatic email regarding a Darwin Awards submission. You are receiving this, because you included your email with your

submission to the website. For answers to questions, consult the

Slush Pile FAQ at

Submitted on 05/04/2008

Submitted by: Mike Durthaler
Reference: Using this as a means of reply :)

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: Other
Thanks for the offer, Mike. It looks like you've already been in contact with Wendy so I'm sure she'll take you up on the offer if she feels it's appropriate. As she's the owner of this site all decisions like this are hers alone. As moderators we're just volunteers and have no access to, or control of, the search system.


Candi said:
Definitely Toss: Other
What Bruce said. (I do agree on the search options.)


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