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2008 January Rejects
People vs. train: 0 - 6
Hunter Killed by His Own Rifle
2 grafitti artists get flushed down
Man dies after shooting self
labor pains
Female Bodyguard holds on to car
Man Dies after Accidently Shooting
Suicide bomber falls down stairs ..
18 year old BMW 'Owner'
LUCERNE Man dies while ditching gar
Suicide bomber falls down stairs
condom wont come off
A Picture says a thousand words
Cow muck closes highway
Hijacking Gone Bad
Cameras w/o zoom considered harmful
18yr old dies while flying in a BMW
Role Reversal
Flying BMW
Man Electrocutes Wife During Sex
Tiger kills zoo visitor
He's no Clint Eastwood
Smoking and oxygen tanks dont mix
Trunk Space
Fun with Tongues
Man dies after shooting himself
Man dies after accidentally shootin
Do I Need Another Hole In My Head?
Man dies after shooting himself
News anchor dies in snowmobile acc
sexual energy gone awry
Trouser Snake Kills Cambodian Man
unintentional arson
Too Stupid for $80,000 Car
Speeding car flies 200 feet, killin
Fatal Miscount
(No)5 Killed In Car Crash On Ocala Runw
Drunk, math-challenged man+gun=?
Man shoots self at party
Dallas man accidently shoots self i
Man Dies After Shooting Self
Car flies off runway...
Five dead in car crash off runway.
Fly Your BMW!
5 Killed In Car Crash On Ocala Runw
drove over best friend
Seeing the Light
Geronimo-splat
Man Shoots Self in Head
Oops! Accidental fatal shooting
BMW goes airborne
Kitty Hawk II-Revenge of the Beemer
5 Die When BMW Flies Off Airstrip
Flying car
Thinking gun empty, man shoots, kil
Man Shoots Self at Party
5 Kids Try to Fly BMW on Runway
Thinking Gun Empty...
BMW2008 Kids fly off runway
Check out my new gun!
200 feet till desth
Five dead after car crashes off en
Man Thinks Gun is Empty, Shoots Sel
man accidently shoots self
Was that five or six shots?
Counting Correctly Is Important!
Cars don't fly
flying bmw into a tree
'Bizarre sex' kills woman
Man dies after accidentally shootin
Bizarre' sex kills woman
Kinky Sex, Shocking Death
Man dies after accidentally shootin
Man dies after accidentally shootin
It's Empty!
Five dead after car crashes off end
Gun Control Takes Care of Itself
I thought I was out of bullets!
'Bizarre' sex kills woman
5 Dead After Crash
Cars Can't fly
Fly Boys
Russian Roulette anyone?
BMW Jumped over the Moon
Speeding Car Flies Off Runway
Man dies after accidentally shootin
Speeding car flies 200 feet, killin
Man dies after accidentaly shooting
culling the "can't count" gene
Man Shoots Himself in Head
BMW Cleared for Takeoff.
Runways are for airplanes
Fla Airport Crash
Flying in a BMW
5 Killed When BMW Flies Off Elevate
'Bizarre Sex' Kills Woman
Mower smarter than man
sexelectrocution
The lights are out and nobodys home
kinky sex death
Police: Electric shock sex preceded
Man accused of sex electrocution of
Don't touch when in water!
I've fallen and I can't get up.
Surplus Electricity Relationship
Selectrocution
Woman Dies During Electrifying Sex
Delicious mushroom
Ironhard try to kill himself.
burgler signs for package
What A Tangled Web
Honoray Mention: A Bread Theft
Breckenridge Ski accident
Suicide bomber falls down stairs ..
Suicide Bomber falls down stairs
Suicide bomber falls down stairs ..
Graffiti Artists washed to their de
Shrapnel Toothpicks
dying for art
Suicide bomber falls down stairs
Suicide bomber falls down stairs ..
Man Shot Himself In Genital
2 down 7 to go ?!?
shoot yourself in the foot
Indiana Woman Conserves Herself
Toxicated Trio Taunt Tiger
Hon. Ment? Man Saved from Croc Shot
Man Killed By Exploding Toilet in L
Suicide craze linked to social netw
Woman who turned off heat to save e
Idiot
Internet Memorial Site Fad
Graffiti Drain Deathsport
Stop strip gone wrong
Deadly Sex in the Garage
Would-be Thief Electrocuted
The Keystone Robbers
Oops that not copper !
Cops find Copper Thief
Driver faked death to avoid fines
Motorist faked death to evade fine
Rambo IV Stabs Himself
Mrs
Graffiti Artist swept away in storm
Fools day
Blasting Off
Oh Deer
Ladies Go Wild For Gun Tatoos...
An electrofying experience
Death by mmorpg
Graffitti is now their epitaph
Suspects wanted on hundreds of char
Tiger teasing
Tauting Tiger a big mistake
video game gone bad
Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat
A Wii to much to drink
Drinking + Storm Sewer + Strom = ??
Drain grafitti artists
Drain Death Graffiti Artists
Drain Accident
The Last message
Tagged to death
Stormwater kills graffiti duo
Aircraft Carrier Football
Drowned while graffitting!
Spraypainting In Storm Drains
Body Found At Power Substation
Grafitti down the drain
Graffiti writing sewer rats
Killed proving spirit 'isn’t flamma
Shocking transformer theft.
Great Balls Of Fire
Body Blamed For Power Outage
man electrocuted stealing wire
Update on SF Tiger killing
carrot juice overdose
Tiger tantrum
Disability A La Boredom.
Hey Bubba, Watch This
SF Zoo Tiger Attack
Victim Drunk During Tiger Attack
Man survives brush with freight tra
100mph trip has end at lightpole
Tigers 1 Yankees 0
Revenge of the Taunted Tiger
Booze, Weed and Tigers don't mix
Don't Taunt The Tigers
Robber shoots himself in groin
tiger was taunted
Taunting a 'sensitive' tiger
tiger victim taunted cat
Oh Shoot!
crook get nuts shot off
HOME INVASION ROBBER SHOT BY SELF
Testicle blast
Man shoots himself in testicle duri
Robbery Suspect Shoots Self In Geni
Oops! Robber Shoots Himself During
Robber shoots own testicle
Man Shot Himself In Genitals During
Robber Shoots Self in Genitals
Suwon Student Searches for Cellphon
Police: Man shoots self in groin du
Man Shot Himself In Genitals During
ELECTRIC POOL BBQ
Look Left, Look Right, Look UP!!!
Talk about your Botched Robbery....
Robber shoots off testicle
Man shoots self in genitals
Robber shoots self during robbery
man shoots himself during robbery
Police: Man shoots self in groin du
Talk about things going really wro
Nice Shot
Self-Induced Vasectomy
Robber shoots self in testicle
Man Shot Himself In Genitals
Robber Shoots Himself In The Groin
Man Shot Himself In Genitals During
Cops have Robber by the balls
Police: Man shoots self in groin du
Incarcerated genius
Inept Robber - Honorable Mention
Automotive 101
Robber shoots self in groin
Aw Nuts.
testicles and bullets dont mix
Fake heat - yeah sure
Leathal Edging
Petrol Spitting Man on Fire
Man shot himself in Genitals during
Robber Shoots Self in the Jewels
Talk About Things Going Really Wrng
You'll never beleive this...
You'll never beleive this...
Man Shot Himself In Genitals During
Thief Shots Himself in the Groin
Man shoots testicle during robbery
Waving interrupted.
356 on a Go-cart
Man goes out window with tree
Never spit gasoline while smoking
1 shot closes slaying case
Man sliding down escalator plunges
GPS Wasn't So Accurate...
The Opposite of a Darwin
Reverse discrimination
spitting gasoline
Fake hanging becomes all too real
The escalator surfer
Man dies after trying to slide down
Escalator Surfing
Man Dies After Trying to Slide Down
Man falls from escalator to death
Out the window
Innapopriate time to wave
Man accidentally hangs self
Wrong way to ride an escalator
Man Dies After Trying to Slide Down
Escalator Surfing
escalator surfing
Man Dies After Trying to Slide Down
Man dies in escalator mishap
Man sliding down escalator plunges
Man sliding down escalator plunges
Man sliding down escalator plunges
Man Dies After Escalator Plunge
Man Dies After Trying to Slide Down
Drunk Dies Sliding down Banister
Birdsboro Man Electrocuted
Wrong Way Marci
Man Dies After Trying to Slide Down
Man Dies In Calif. Escalator Mishap
Man Dies Sliding Down an Escalator
Escalator Surfing?
Man Dies After Trying to Slide Down
Going Down?
Man Dies After Trying to Slide Down
Crushing Cable Car
Man Dies After Sliding Down Escalat
Man accidentally hangs self in amat
Don't try this at home. (REALLY)
Escalator Ride!
Escalator To Heaven
Barber Shop Drama
Man nearly loses arm waving at girl
Tripping on the escalator
Man killed in fall after reported
Escalator Ride to the Bottom
Sliding & Slipping off an escalator
Amateur stunt = near hanging
Escalating the Stakes
Fun Slide to Death
Explosive play out of hand
Man sliding down escalator plunges
fun with escalators
Man killed in fall after reported e
Man on Escalator Plunges to Death
Highland to Lowland
mechanical stairway to heaven
Mock Hanging, Vancouver BC
Don't Drink and Slide
Man accidentally hangs self in amat
Esclator Plunge
Women Drowns in Rail Barrel
Man Killed after Escalator Stunt
Mall escalator Stunt
Booze and escalator don't mix.
Man Dies In Calif. Escalator Mishap
Man killed in fall/escalator
Canadian accidentally hangs self in
Man dies while exiting escalator
White spirit isn't flammable
I'm Free Falling
Man dies in fall from Cal Escalator
Escalator Stunt
Death Ride on Hollywood Escalator
Escalator Slide
Last Ride
Slip-Slidin away
Man killed after escalator stunt
What a way to go
Man Falls To Death During Spitting
Idle hands are the devil's entree.
Dog Shoots Man
B.C. man nearly dies in hanging stu
Dead Wrong
Diarrhea in Korea
Man accidentally hangs self in amat
UPDATE! Potential Darwin Candidate
honorable mention
Potential Darwin Candidate
Accidental hanging during "stunt" f
no more mark of the beast
Amateur film stunt results in near-
Man accidentally hangs self in amat
Proving white spirit isn't flammabl
Man Found Dead, Stuck In Cat Door
Deadly Diarrhea
Drunk Learns About Flammability
Spirit is inflammable?
Man killed by wood chips
Benazir Bhutto
Man Dies In Fireball
Bird dog fatally shoots owner
How not to do a stunt
Yes, White Sprit is flammable
White spirit isn't flammable
Bird dog steps on gun, kills hunter
Man cuts off hand and microwaves it
Trians and I-pods; Do not mix
Snappy Gary Meets Unsnappy Shark
Mark of the Beast!
Subway bathroom break
Santans Hand
Loosening lugnuts with shotgun
Seoul subways add WCs after deadly
Woodcutters Vs. Train
Previous submission - refrigerator
Stay cool, even if it kills you
Idle hands=Devil's playground
Hunting Dog Shoots Owner
Dog Shoots Owner
Bird dog steps on gun, kills hunter
A Corpse, a Check, a Bizarre NYC Cr
The corpse was a dead giveaway
The dumbest dead
Beware, shooter dog
Hunter shot dead by dog
Fleeing teenager killed on motorway
Knife Thief Trips, Stabs Self
collecting corpse security
Bird dog steps on gun, kills hunter
Mans dies while cleaning loaded gun
A Sharp Dressed Thief
Woman Drowns in Rain Barrel Inside
Poking Fun
Crispy Cat
The dog shot me
The stinky monk
RSA 2008 Dumbest Criminal award
Mexican boy glues self to bed to av
Feel lucky, punk?
Woman Drowns In Rain Barrel
Woman Dies in So. Cal. Flood
At least the cat survived
self pwnage
Just a Rain Barrel
Woman Drowns In Rain Barrel
Woman drowns in rain barrel
Water Barrel Blues
Woman Drowns in Rain Barrel
Woman drowns in rain barrel
Woman Drowns In Rain Barrel
Woman Drowns to retrieve Kitten
Woman Drowns in Rain Barrel
The last time getting drunk
Man using GPS drives into path of t
Wrongful Deaths?
Dumb kids.
Dumb kids.
xmas tiger attack
explosion kills student
Quote
Denver Down
Mad Bomber of West Chester
I'll Still Kill....myself?
Man who died was using camera to re
Extreme Ice Road Driving
Extreme Ice Road Driving
Robber's paper trail
Electrocution
Pipe Bomb Killed Teen
Man Killed by Pipe Bomb Recorded Bl
Man Using GPS Drives in Front of Tr
People killed in spanniard road
How To Loose Faith In Technology
wrong way
Homemade Demolitions
Playhouse kills man
Tracing a Gun?
Blast that killed a man
Four of A Kind Beats A Flush
Dog saves bushwalkers
Don't Tease the Tiger
Woman keeps driving burning truck
New year buffaloe ride
newtonian exit
men shot while tracing for tattoo!
Tatoo Shooting
Gun Tattoo
Tattoo Parlor Honorable Mention
SF Zoo Tiger Victim Slingshots
Shot for tacing Gun for Tattoo
Motorway Madness
Men Shot Trying to Make Gun Tattoo
2 men shoot selves tracing gun
Tracing Loaded Gun= Not a Good Idea
Talk about a shot in the arm...
The idol was unlucky
Tracing loaded gun as tatoo pattern
Magnum tatoo
Tattoo target
Men Shot With .357 as They Traced I
Dumb Tattoo
flaming whisky
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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Barber Shop Drama

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

This was what I witnessed at a barber shop in my small hometown while I was a freshman in college, visiting in one weekend and getting my hair cut one Saturday morning. My barber shop, like many in small towns, is comparable to a men’s social club. It is a place where men have the “green light” to say whatever is on their mind and whatever can get a few laughs.

Though my barber was a faithful Christian, and a good father and husband, he enjoyed hearing and laughing along to the crude stories told by all the guys hanging out. Everybody called him “Vegas”. This man stood about 6’6” and looked capable of playing defensive end for Dallas. He hangs pictures of his weightlifting titles, his beautiful wife and daughter, and the heads of deer, bear, and hogs. He is as republican as they come; for example he argues that boys ought to be drafted and sent to Iraq because they don’t obey their parents these days. He brags from dawn ‘til dusk about how well he and his wife have raised their daughter.

On this particular morning I walk in to see Paul Charles Patterson, a.k.a. PCP, sitting in the chair asking for a flat top, smiling and laughing due to his unknowing of is soon-to-be flat top of a lifetime. As the blanket was getting tied around his neck he began sharing with everyone the details of his unique previous night.

“Fellows, last night I had the night that most men only dream of having in their lifetime. I was at Will’s party and these girls showed up and were ready to party. We started playing “circle of death”, a card game about making funny rules for people to follow and getting drunk, and I kept making all these rules to make the girls do sexy things. I said that every time a girl draws a card they have to make a sex noise. And this cute blonde with nice tits starts looking at me every time she made a moan or squeal. So I turned up the heat on the sexy rules and had her down to her ridiculously hot matching thong and bra; the result of her removing a piece of clothing every time she said the word “f#ck”. But that wasn’t the only punishment I gave her that night. I really let her know what a bad girl she had been each time I took her to the bedroom that night. She is the first girl I have ever gotten with to have something hot shaved out of her pu$$y hair. And she had butterfly wings shaved out it and she kept it nice and trimmed. She got all the PCP she could handle. She was the wildest girl I have ever f#cked in my life!”

Everyone in the room was laughing loud and uncontrollably. Even Vegas’ face turned red and he couldn’t hold in the urge to belt out a few laughs, though his laughs were destined to halt abruptly.

PCP continued with the story.

“I got her phone number and she says that we should hang out but I’m probably definitely going to get with her a few more times. Boy I hope I saved her number, let me check…. She’s from right across the state line…. Here it is…. Samantha! She said she was twenty but I’m afraid she’s younger.”

It was though the word “younger” triggered something inside of Vegas to triple his blood pressure and give him the shakes worse than any alcoholic or drug fiend you’ve ever seen. He made a sound that sounded like something just got caught in his throat. The trimmer he was holding fell directly to the floor. And he turned to his mirror and slapped it and ripped off a picture…

A picture of a beautiful blonde girl, with her hair curling as it came out from under a cute cowboy hat. She was in a plaid shirt that was unbuttoned barely enough to complement her nice tits. Whether they are as nice as her pubic butterfly wings or not…. Only PCP knows.

Vegas quickly gained control of PCP with his right hand, gripping the tribal tattoos about his neck. Then Vegas roared in a brand spanking new pitch… the pitch you feel you would scream with if someone were welding something to your nipple. “IS THIS HER YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!”

“PCP’s reaction was more of a speechless shock. Similar to how you would react if you were flying in an airplane and some bastard just spontaneously grabs you and throws you out without a parachute.

PCP went right to the floor to escape the hold, and made it to his feet just in time to get ridiculously speared into the wall by Vegas. Three men held Vegas up for just long enough for PCP to run out to his truck and speed off. He ran 4 stop signs and two red lights and didn’t drive at a speed less than 50 mph for ten minutes until he was deep into the backwoods outside our hometown. How do I know this?... Because I was right behind PCP, that’s right, close enough to read his license plate, from the moment he left Vegas’ grip ‘til he jumped out of his truck and kissed the dirt, thankful for his life and the free haircut. Why was I behind PCP?... Because I’m Will, the party host.

Submitted on 01/13/2008

Submitted by: Bill Zachary Wells
Reference: William Zachary, January 2008

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Chip said:
Definitely Toss: Other
Bill, this is not the place for crude sex jokes.


Bruce said:
Definitely Toss: Other
Agreed, this story is definitely not appropriate for this site.


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