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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Baby Oil Blues

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

No DA here but everytime I think of this I crack myself laughing.

LS David Risdale, Naval Combat Systems engineer yet suprisingly a bathroom dunce, nearly drowned himself in his own bathtub.

Dave gets home from a couple months at sea to an empty house. His missus is at work still and he has a couple hours. Having only had "2 Push" showers for the last couple months he decides to take a nice hot bath. Happily filling the tub with water he sets to locating some of his wifes bathing products so that he might fully enjoy the experience of bathing his wife bangs on about all the time.

No luck on the "Bubble Bath" but Dave manages to find a very pleasant smelling bottle of something called "Baby Oil", GREAT!

Well he reckons he added about a third of a bottle. For arguments sake lets just say it was a "liberal" amount and the stage was set for a spectacular departure from this earthly realm.

1 foot in and no worries, he lifts Number 2 foot (which shifts ALL his weight onto the lead foot in the bath) and slips bum under tit into the water.

No worries, just pull yourself out Dave. Problem is the Baby Oil is doing a fantastic job of "lubing" up our intrepid hero and the harder he struggles, the less he manages to pull his head above water.

Being a true military man he manages to get his panic under control and settle himself (whilst pretty much out of breath at this point he reckons). He does remember thinkin that this is just too stupid a way to die and that he HAS to get out of here!

He does manage to sling one arm out and over the side of the tub and get another leg over and sort of half slide half roll out of the tub. IMHO I reckon anyone who coulndn't have controlled their panick there and then would have clocked out on the spot.

I try not to, but imagine a naked, bald, skinny white guy covered in baby oil lying on your bathroom floor gasping for breath.

Well his wife came home early in anticipation of Daves arrival from sea and walks into the bathroom to see just that. Man I wish I had seen the look on her face!!!!

And LS Risdales BIGGEST mistake. He came to morning muster the next morning and told us about. Pretty much the whole ship new about 5 mins later via an anonymous pipe over the ships piping (Public Address) system

So no death and I can't verify it but it happend while he was serving on HMAS Adelaide around 2000 - 2001.

Submitted on 04/26/2007

Submitted by: Shaun
Reference: HMAS Adelaide "Stiff Sh*t Log" - 2001

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

Jack said:
Neutral: Personal Account
I'm having a hard time believing that baby oil is that slippery, but this is a personal account and I don't know what sort of baby oil that they use down under, so I'll go neutral on this one. Thanks, Shaun


Bruce said:
Maybe Toss: Other
This is a very entertaining story, but I'm having a lot of trouble believing that it actually happened and isn't an urban legend (despite not finding any proof). It just sounds too good to be true - strong and well-trained man gets himself into a troubling situation by trying to do something his wife does regularly, then gets publicly ridiculed by all his fellow well-trained men after admitting to it. I can understand slipping when stepping into the tub, but not drowning. Unless, of course, you hit your head when you slipped and knocked yourself out. Even if covered in oil I can’t believe it would be very difficult to get an arm over the edge of the tub or grab hold of a fixture, and with even minimal leverage it’d be easy enough to get out of the tub or at least pull the drain plug. Thanks for the story, Shaun. If you can find some sort of verification of this story please send it in.


James said:
Neutral: Personal Account
I', only going neutral because this is at least a third hand account. Otherwise, such tales DO spread aboard ship faster than a fuel fire! Baby oil is VERY slippery. A handful is bad enough; one third of a bottle and you might as well be a greased pig. It wouldn't necessarily be THAT easy to grab the side of a porcelain tub fixture! Perhaps true, perhaps not, but entertaining nonetheless!


Graham said:
Maybe Toss: Lacks Excellence
While a nice little read, baby oil (or ANY oil) is unlikely to cause this, even if used pure. Simple physics at play here. He'd still at least be able to sit up and at the very least, ease himself over the side of the tub, perhaps inelegantly, but nonetheless . . .


Chip said:
Definitely Toss: Lacks Excellence
While it makes an amusing story, I have to vote to toss. When you think about it, you use this to oil a BABY (I guess so they won't squeak so much?). You put oil on a baby but you still need to be able to pick it up! Anyway, I cannot see that he would have 1. slipped in such as way that his head would be under water no matter what he did (bathtubs are just not big enough) and 2. been unable to grab a fixture to leverage up. Thanks for sending it though, Shaun. Gave me a laugh and made me think about this.


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