Slush Pile: nightstand

2006 Slush Pile

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nightstand - nightfall

2006 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

This morning started off just like every other day. I woke up, got dressed, and went to work at a furniture store. The only differences were that I had to be at work at 8AM instead of 9AM. And also that Smallville Season 4 came out, and I was looking forward to getting that. I even wore my red boxer breifs today in honor of Superman.

Today just like yesterday however...was very rough at work. John, my co-worker is on vacation in Iowa all week so I have to make up for him not being around to help.

The biggest mistake I made this morning was that I forgot my belt.

Constantly shifting boxes, lifting things, the muscle strain in hauling sleeper sofas, dressers, tables, TVs, lawn mowers, etc all over the store ... makes me lose weight.

I am not at all complaining about getting more fit, and trim with the work-out I get each day at work. It keeps me busy, healthy, and puts money in my pocket too. Oh, and it helps me sleep better at night.

After lunch time, I was feeling a bit thirsty. I went over to my water bottle, which started out as entirely ice. The condensation from the side left my hands a bit damp after drinking from it. I then recieved a pick up order for a customer which consisted of only a night stand. The night stand was a piece of crap, and easily assembled (all I had to do was put two knobs on the drawers).

I figured, "Hey... a night stand... it's small, light, easy to hold... I'll just carry it out." Big mistake. As I was lifting the night stand, I noticed that since my hands were damp, they weren't holding the sides of the night stand very well. But I pulled it closer to my chest and began walking. I made it to the front door when it started to slip.

No, not the night stand.

My pants.

A quick moment to think was all I had. And in the midst of the indecisivness I had swelling up inside of me of what to do... it was too late by then. I ended up tripping over a parking curb... the night stand hit the parking lot and tumbled over with the drawers spilling onto the floor.

Two sets of drawers hit the floor.

The Night Stands, and Mine.

The fact that I was already tripped up by the parking curb did not help the truth that my pants around my ankles would NOT help me keep my balance any better. Bound by my denim prison ankle cuffs preventing me to glide gracefully to a halt... I landed spread eagle next to the broken night stand with my butt in the air.

The rest is a blurr of embarrassment... but all I can say is,

"I'm glad I wore underwear today."

Submitted on 03/06/2006

Submitted by: dimitri wing
Reference: my own - oct 1st, 2005

>> Moderator Scores <<

James said:
Maybe Toss: Other
A VERY funny and amusing story, Dimitri, but pat yourself on the back for NOT being an award winner. As far as I can ascertain, you had a wardrobe malfunction, a prattfall, perhaps a few minor bruises to your arms and a slightly larger bruise to your ego...but death wasn't watching in the wings, nor was the spectre of the gelding monster anywhere to be seen. In the end, VERY funny, but quite ineligible for an award! Thanks for the submission, however, we DO appreciate it! :-)

Sheryl said:
Maybe Toss: Other
I totally agree with James, the write up was superb and I only wish all submissions were written as well as yours was.

Jorge said:
Neutral: Personal Account

Charles said:
Maybe Toss: No Self-Selection
Although I'm sure it felt like it at teh time, the embarrassment was not fatal and would not result in your inability to reproduce... particularly since your "buffness" was in general increasing as you worked on that job. So we can't accept this for a Darwin... but we did enjoy reading it anyway.

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2006 Slush Pile

nightstand - nightfall

2006 Reader Submission Pending Acceptance

>> The Darwin Awards, by Wendy Northcutt << Link to Fight Evil.

2006 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

>> The Darwin Awards, by Wendy Northcutt <<
Link to Fight Evil.