Slush Pile: Yes, Beer Bottles do go Bang

2006 Slush Pile

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Yes, Beer Bottles do go Bang

2006 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Six, dim-witted teenage boys plus beer is generally bad enough on its own, but throw a rather large campfire in to the equation and you’ve got yourself a recipe for disaster.

The following events happened about a half year or so ago, when myself and a couple of my friends decided to go camping on the bottom of a large property, where we wouldn’t be disturbed. There were six of us in total. Already that day, we had taken part in events, which would surely have ended in our demise, had it not been for pure chance. The vehicle that we used to get to our friends property had veered off the road several times on the windy roads of the Adelaide hills, once moving in to oncoming traffic and the other time, narrowly avoiding flying off the edge of the cliff.

Our antics around the campfire had already led to one of us suffering from minor burns to the nipples and buttocks. Most sensible people would have stopped there…but not us. For you see, for us burning nipples was just the start of much more fun to come.

While sitting around the campfire we couldn’t help but notice how quiet and peaceful it was in our secluded countryside area. We decided that something had to be done about this. We examined our inventory and were very pleased to find the “EXTREMELY FLAMMABLE” warning on our deodorant cans. Deciding that this was the best course of action, we threw them in to the fire. After a few loud bangs and girlish giggles we realized that we had depleted our stocks. Now at this point in an adolescent boy’s life, all traces of common sense are wiped out by the desire to see things go BANG. Having recently studied chemistry in school, we made the connection between the alcohol in beer, which is flammable, and the flame of the camp fire… which burns things. Naturally we put two and two together and hurled the bottle in to the roaring flames and retreated quickly to our usual vantage point, behind the cover of some nearby bushes.

After a few minutes of great anticipation, we came to the conclusion that our efforts had lead to a rather disappointing anticlimax. Just to be safe, however, two of our company advanced cautiously towards the bottle, armed with broom handles and floor mats which they were planning to use as shields.

Meanwhile the rest of our company, had lost interest and moved away from the cover of the bushes and began punching each other out of boredom. However, we didn’t have to wait long before a loud bang sent us sprinting back to the bushes, engulfed by a rapidly moving cloud of ash, glowing embers and broken glass.

It turned out, that one of the advancing company (arguably the most dim-witted of us all) had decided to break the bottle with his broom. Yes, that’s right, his plan was to shatter the bottle and hopefully speed up the explosion process, whilst standing less than 5ft away. Fortunately he was not able to break the bottle but was instead successful in turning the now hissing bottle around, aiming it directly at the two of them. Luckily, primitive instinct prevailed and they fled the scene, putting mere metres between themselves and the bottle before the explosion occurred, sending shrapnel whizzing past their heads. The explosion was enough to shift a heavy log and lay particles of soot and glass in a 30ft radius around the fire.

Miraculously no one was harmed, but you can clearly see from our intellectual capacities that our demise will most certainly be that of the most spectacular of fashions.

Submitted on 02/11/2006

Submitted by: Denham Valentino
Reference: Personal Account - Aug. 2005

>> Moderator Scores <<

James said:
Neutral: Personal Account
I'm not quite sure what to make of this. I like the effort you put into your write-up, but there are a few things which cause me to balk at giving it the green light. Firstly, HOW old were you as "teenagers"? 13? or 19? If you were younger than 17, you're too young for an award. Secondly, beer isn't flammable, or at least not volatile. The CO2 expanding due to the heat is what probably caused the bottles to burst. I will defer to my fellow mods. Thanks, Denham!

Jack said:
Maybe Toss: Other
It's a good story, but I have a hard time believing that any group of serious partying people are gonna start throwing the booze into the fire. Been there, done that and I'd have kicked ass if someone tried to waste the drinks! Thanks anyway, Denham!

Jorge said:
Neutral: Personal Account

Tracy said:
Maybe Toss: Other
Sorry, I think this fails the maturity rule

Greg said:
Maybe Toss: Other
Well written, but not doing it for me. Thanks anyway though. Appreciate the time you took. :-)

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2006 Slush Pile

Yes, Beer Bottles do go Bang

2006 Reader Submission Pending Acceptance

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2006 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

>> The Darwin Awards, by Wendy Northcutt <<
Link to Fight Evil.