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Darwin Awards
2006 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

You choose

2006 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Loss of brains

Lisa Burnett, 23, a resident from San Diego, was visiting her in-laws. While out on a trip to a local supermarket to pick up some supplies, several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up, with her eyes closed and with both hands behind the back of her head.

One Customer who has been at the store for a while became rather concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Lisa's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange.

He asked her if she was okay, and Lisa replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head... A Pillsbury canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.

When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

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Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Hammed in

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.

Electric Shock

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.

Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up until that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Save the wildlife

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Spooky Deaths

There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery... as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. on Sundays.

So a World-Wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11am, all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11... Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Submitted on 01/03/2006

Submitted by: Jakes
Reference: http://www.msrc.co.uk/index.cf

Copyright © 2006 DarwinAwards.com

>> Moderator Scores <<

James said:
Definitely Toss: Other
Looks like you sent us the entire "wierd news" column. Next time, please don't. Thanks...


Greg said:
Definitely Toss: Other


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