The Darwin Awards 
HOME
Darwin Awards
At-Risk Survivors
Slush Pile
2002 Personals
Fuzzy Fights Back
Bridge Over Frozen Water
Stag Party
Exploding Latrine
Chemistry Lesson
Scrambled Eggs
Lion Lunch
The Barbequed Chef
The Answer Is...
Rectum Nearly Killed'm
Famous Last Words
Mixing Bread Dough
Wag the Dog
Cure for Lice
Repeat Offender
Bridge Work
Electric Safety Lesson
Sexy Snack Slays
Chainsaw Slingshot
Pocket M80
Electric Eccentric
Anchor Man
Christmas Fireworks
Acetylene Fun? Not!
Amateur Roofing
Home Improvement
Copper Clod
Do Not Drink
Flashy Chef
Laser Dim Bulb
Pain in the Neck
Backyard Body Surfing
Blasting Expertise
Watch!... Cool!...
Other Personal Years 
2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001 2000 1999 Vintage
 
~ Random Story ~
Email Alert!
NEW! Gift Shop
Rules  Search
Contact Darwin
Submit a Story
Philosophy Forum
Home

  

Darwin Awards
2002 Personal Accounts
Email a Friend The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes reluctant) readers. Next Prev Random

 
 
The Barbequed Chef
2002 Personal Account

(August 2002, Ontario, Canada) I was attempting to light my new barbecue lighter, when I discovered that my lighter -- a long stick with a click button -- was out of fluid. I took it to the laundry room, and filled it over the water basin. I later discovered that I was using the wrong type of fluid, but that's part of another story.

I decided to test it, figuring the flame would be at least 8" from any fuel on my hand. What I hadn't figured was the effect of the flame on the stream of fuel leaking down to the tip of the lighter. When I clicked the button, to my astonishment, my whole hand caught on fire.

I hollered, "Oh, darn!" (Or words to that effect.) Having one's hand on fire is neither relaxing nor calming, and I must have flinched, thereby squeezing more fuel from the container in my other hand, engulfing my already-burning hand in a ball of flames.

At this point, I dropped everything into the basin, igniting the whole shebang: the lighter, the canister of fuel, and some dust mites. I exclaimed, "Oh, darn!" And I began to become quite concerned.

I tried to smother the flames on my hand by clapping, but just lit the other hand on fire, too. I hit the floor and tried the standard Stop Drop and Roll technique, but that doesn't work well on a concrete floor. I eventually extinguished my hands with a nearby floor mat, thereby leaving them free to deal with a growing concern...

The laundry basin was completely engulfed in flames. I was trapped by indecision. Should I run for a gigantic box of baking soda, or would water put it out? That's when I made the worst decision of the day.

I cranked on the water taps over the basin.

Lighter fluid and water do not, in fact, mix. Now I had fast-moving liquid flames to deal with! Luckily, it turned out that turning the taps on full allowed the water to "outnumber" the fire, which was eventually put out.

At that point, I made the smartest decision of all. After those 30 seconds of excitement were over, I took off my wedding ring. This served two purposes: It did not get stuck to my finger while it swelled and blistered, and it kept the world from knowing that my wife had actually married such an idiot!

And now to share with you an important safety tip I learned during this experience: When you do catch on fire, don't yell, "Oh, darn!" Instead, yell, "Fire!!! HOLY S**T I'm f**king on fire!!!" This sends a clear message to your wife that all is not well.

DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2017
Submitted by: Andrew Butters

Awful? 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Great?
Hate it! Love it!
Previous Directions Next

Selected From The Darwin Awards Gift Shop @ Zazzle




Purchases Help Fund The Darwin Awards Team

 


Advanced Search

HomeRulesFAQsAwardsSlushSite Map
DarwinAward | HonorableMention | PersonalAccount | UrbanLegend