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1999 Personal Accounts
| The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes deceased) readers. |
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Fun with Forklifts
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A close friend relayed this story to me, so I'm sure it's true. If he knew I was writing this, he'd probably kick my butt.
Greg and his brother Jim were both employed a large warehouse in Louisiana. They often arranged to be the only employees working on Sunday, since weekend work was easy and they were in an expansive warehouse where they could goof off. They had a great time racing the trolleys around the warehouse floor. These trolleys are large, flat, self-propelled carts used to carry pallets around the warehouse. The operator stand between the controls and a backrest. Greg and Jim enjoyed racing on Sundays, but soon became bored with the floorplan. The warehouse was covered in large, industrial shelves. The first shelf was five feet off the floor, allowing items to be placed underneath. One fine afternoon, Greg decided to try something different. Instead of going around the shelves, he would drive under the empty ones; simply ducking when the shelf neared. His brother was watching from a distance as Greg started his fateful run. Greg took off with the intention of passing right under the shelf. However, he misjudged the distance and was not able to duck in time. The speeding cart slammed the shelf right into his chest, which would have been okay had there not been a backrest on the trolley. Greg was stunned and pinned against the shelf while the cart continued to push forward, slowly knocking the wind out of him. This kept Greg from yelling for help. His brother, thinking this had been a stunt, was laughing hard enough to make snot run out his nose. After a few minutes, Jim realized that Greg wasn't fooling around, and went over to help him out. By this time, Greg was ready to faint from oxygen deprivation. Greg and Jim are two potential Darwin Award winners. I'll be sure to keep you informed of their future exploits.
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Darwin Awards II: Unnatural Selection
Hardback. 240 pages. Autographed.$15 A fresh collection of magnificent misadventures! Lust, Vanity, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Envy, and Wrath extract an evolutionary toll on the wicked. Salute the owner of an equipment training school who demonstrates the dangers of driving a forklift by failing to survive the filming of his own safety video. Witness the man who becomes a victim of his own strange passion for jumping into rivers. Heed the honest bricklayer who loses a battle of wits with 300 pounds of tools. This book includes more History of the Awards, Gordon's Law, and 10 discussions of evolution, including speciation and the role of verbal memes in civilization. Autographed by Author! |
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