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1999 Personal Accounts
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Tide-ally Impaired 
1999 Personal Account

(July 1999, Alaska) This event happened in my hometown, a small logging village in Alaska. The man in this particular story is a born-again Christian, and lives on a farm. Names are omitted because I'll have to see him again.

It seems that this is a man who hadn't noticed in all his years of living next to the port that the tide went IN and OUT. Not realizing this, he tied his row boat fast to a stationary object far out of reach, so that kid's couldn't steal it and "joy ride" the thing around.

Predictably, the tide went out, the boat dangled for a time, the tide came in, and its binding sank the boat.

The man naturally wanted to retrieve his boat, so he donned a bright orange lifesuit, borrowed a neighbor's skiff and puttered out to his "anchorage." Then he attempted to dive for his precious rowboat.

He didn't count on the buoyancy of the lifesuit. Utterly frustrated by this time, he brought the skiff back to shore, and placed TWO LARGE ROCKS in the skiff. Then he returned to the site of his submerged treasure, tied the rocks to his waist, and jumped, apparently planning on cutting the ropes when he got hold of his boat.

While sinking down, he realized that he had forgotten his knife on the boat, and was about to meet his watery demise.

Luckily for him, and unluckily for us, by this time he had amassed an audience of five men, who were so astonished at his stupidity they weren't even sure what to do at first. They rescued him and he sold the boat.

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