--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ DARWIN AWARDS: A Chronicle of Enterprising Demises --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ Announcing the one and only, the late and lamented, the APRIL 2008 DARWIN AWARDS NOMINEES I have been busy finishing the manuscript for our newest book, DARWIN AWARDS: CHLORINATING THE GENE POOL. So this newsletter is a rushed affair. Hope you enjoy these 16 new stories! Make sure to Contact Darwin if you see errors or omissions. -Wendy New Darwin Awards Descent of Man Not a Shred of Sense Tractor-cution A Rolling Stone... A Breathtaking View On the Piste Steel is Gold Crutch, Meet Crotch "At Risk" (still alive!) Frugal BBQ Kaboom A Slippery Slope Definitely Not Deadly Unfinished Project Workplace Fling Mexican Divorce Molten Copper Shower --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ "Just think how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider!" --George Carlin --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ TRACTOR-CUTION (Darwin Award Nominee) New York | Joe, 20, was driving drunkenly through Wayne County farmland in upstate New York when he steered his car directly into a ditch and knocked over a powerline. Oops! How could he rescue his car from the ditch without getting a DUI?... Read on: A ROLLING STONE... (Darwin Award Nominee) Vietnam | A rolling stone is not the only thing that gathers no moss. Three men scavenging for scrap metal found an unexploded 500-pound bomb perched atop a hill near Hanoi, and decided to rely on a little help from Sir Isaac Newton... Read on: NOT A SHRED OF SENSE (Darwin Award Nominee) The ambulance responded to a frantic call concerning a neighbor's trip through a tree shredder. It seems the individual had decided to prune his own trees, rather than hire a professional. Why not? After all, the local rental shop had shredders... Read on: DESCENT OF MAN (Darwin Award Nominee) In one case during my 20 years on the NYPD, we responded to a "body in a courtyard" call and found a 19-year-old man who had obviously perished by falling from a great height. We ruled out suicide, and we eventually located an informative eyewitness... Read on: STEEL IS GOLD (Darwin Award Nominee) Czech Republic | Steel is valuable, especially the high grade alloy used in steel cable. Scrap metal dealers do not ask questions. They pay in cash. And a good supply of cables can be found in elevator shafts... Read on: A BREATHTAKING VIEW (Darwin Award Nominee) South Africa | Johannesburg is growing with the construction of modern new buildings. An engineer who was inspecting the framework of a building asked a worker to stand on a scaffold that was projecting through an open space... Read on: ON THE PISTE (Darwin Award Nominee) David, 46, was sliding down an Italian ski slope one night. It did not occur to him that it might be dangerous to sled down the same slope he had stripped of protective padding... Read on: CRUTCH, MEET CROTCH (Darwin Award Nominee) Russia | Late one night, Eduard entered the apartment of a handicapped man, who slept peacefully as Eduard quietly cleaned out the valuables. Eduard was preparing to leave when suddenly the man woke up. "I couldn't believe my eyes!"... Read on: --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? --Will Rogers --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ FRUGAL ("At Risk" Survivor) Germany | Being frugal can be carried to an extreme. A man was on way home from Egypt. New security rules prohibit carrying large quantities of liquid onto a plane. The security staff was adamant: he could not carry two pints of vodka onto the plane... Read on: BBQ KABOOM ("At Risk" Survivor) Tennessee | A 22-year-old man was having a BBQ moment. John's friends needed charcoal embers, and John had the means to deliver: his trusty 1978 Chevrolet pickup truck. So he put his burning BBQ in the bed of the truck, and set off down the road... Read on: A SLIPPERY SLOPE ("At Risk" Survivor) UK | The seaside town at the mouth of the river Yare keeps a modern lifeboat at anchor by the harbour wall. The old lifeboat shed is nearby, and its cobbled slipway descended straight into the river. The next stop is the coast of Holland... Read on: DEFINITELY NOT DEADLY ("At Risk" Survivor) Spain | The warning stated, "Ingestion of 20 grams is potentially lethal," but a visitor to the Mycological Conference in the village of Badajoz disagreed with the official assessment of Amanita Phalloides, commonly known as the death cap mushroom... Read on: UNFINISHED PROJECT ("At Risk" Survivor) Any story that begins, "Well, I was building a pipe bomb," can never end well. Sam is a bright and successful individual with an appetite for building new things. Things like axles and pipe bombs. One Sunday, angry that the Broncos were losing, Sam headed to his workshop to build a pipe bomb... Read on: WORKPLACE FLING ("At Risk" Survivor) Australia | My younger brother worked at the Kalgoorlie Nickel Smelter. One piece of heavy machinery at the smelter is a screw feeder. As the screw turns, it transports chunks of ore along its length... Read on: MEXICAN DIVORCE ("At Risk" Survivor) I was travelling in Mexico with my then wife. Like many young hands, we were in a VW van equipped with a potty to provide for our fussy American preference for sanitation and privacy. We had been quibbling all day... Read on: MOLTEN COPPER SHOWER ("At Risk" Survivor) Police in England are hunting for a badly scorched would-be copper thief after finding a hacksaw embedded in an 11,000 volt power cable. The thief also left a lit blow torch at the scene... Read on: --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ "Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious." -Peter Ustinov --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ Subscribe! subscribe@darwinawards.com Cancel? cancel@darwinawards.com --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ Copyright 2008 DarwinAwards.com -- feel free to forward the Darwin Awards newsletter to friends! ---