Darwin Awards Newsletter -- November 2000 WHAT ARE THE DARWIN AWARDS? The Darwin Awards celebrate those who improve our species the most by eliminating themselves from the gene pool in really stupid ways. "Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool." "The tree of life is self pruning." +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Shorties: STUPID HUMAN TRICKS Unconfirmed by Darwin A 23-year-old bar-brawler who had been escorted out of the Turtle Club in Florida by a bouncer, sneaked back in and leaped off a staircase, aiming a kick at another man, but was killed when he landed on his head. Two animal rights activists were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn by freeing a captive herd. Suddenly all two thousand of pigs stampeded through the gate they were opening, and trampled the hapless protesters to death. In San Jose, California, Herman, an avid hunter, used the butt of his shotgun to bash his girlfriend's windshield during an argument. But his loaded gun accidentally discharged into his stomach, killing him and ending the argument. More DA Shorties: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-45.html?0011 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ BUY OUR BOOK. BE SAFE. Find out how to disengage a constricting snake. What's so dangerous about a vacuum cleaner. And why Breatharianism has been called "the perfect cure for anorexia." It's a safety manual. Don't let your teenagers leave home without it. http://www.darwinawards.com/book/?0010 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Shorties: HONORABLE MENTIONS Unconfirmed by Darwin When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. AVweb, a weekly aviation news letter, reported that a bungling burglar broke into a Mooney aircraft at the Knox County, Ohio airport and removed its avionics system, including the Emergency Locating Transmitter or ELT. This device sends homing signals if the aircraft crashes. You can guess what happened next. The ham- handed crook jarred the ELT enough to activate it, and authorities had no trouble tracking the perpetrator to his lair. More Shorties: http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2000-24.html?0011 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ NEW IN NOVEMBER: DA: Throwing Stones http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-44.html?0011 HM: Bodacious Bud http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2000-22.html?0011 HM: Archery Practice http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2000-23.html?0011 PA: Bye Bye Birdie http://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2000-37.html?0011 PA: Eat the Young http://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2000-36.html?0011 --- Date: Thu, 9 Nov 2000 01:39:39 -0500 IT'S TIME FOR THE 2000 DARWIN AWARD NOMINEES! THE DARWIN AWARDS celebrate those who improve our species the most by eliminating themselves from the gene pool in really stupid ways. Entries in this short list of 2000 Nominees are confirmed by Darwin, and the current score is shown next to each story. Cast your vote! http://www.DarwinAwards.com/?0011 MOSCOW MARAUDER (4.0/10) A man who threatened to "deal with" his wife and her lover blew himself up with a home-made bomb in September when the device the man was attaching to the door of their not-so-secret apartment boudoir exploded in his hands. THROWING STONES (4.4/10) A Middle East protestor standing in the road throwing stones at oncoming cars died when a driver tried to swerve away from the stones, but lost control of his car and careened across the road, injuring the driver and killing the assailant. TIRED OF IT ALL (4.6/10) An experienced thief sneaked onto the lot of the Buckeye Ford Dealership in London, Ohio, intending to steal tires from the new cars. But his expertise failed him when the vehicle he had jacked up slipped and fell, landing squarely on his chest. PERILOUS POSE (4.6/10) A 53-year-old tourist posing nude for his camera in picturesque Rothemberg, Germany, slipped from the stone wall while preparing for the shot, and fell sixteen feet to his death. DUCT TAPE (4.7/10) A misplaced faith in the miracle of duct tape led to the demise of a man boating on the Columbia River when his 12-foot aluminum dinghy, held together with duct tape repairs, capsized during a fishing trip. PASSIONATE PLUNGE (5.0/10) A man with the unlikely ambition to jump off every river bridge in Norwich ended his athletic career with a deadly seventy foot leap into three feet of water in April. Emergency workers were unable to resuscitate the man, who was said to possess "a strange and unusual passion for jumping into rivers." KISS OF DEATH (5.0/10) A 36-year-old biochemist who attended a farewell performance of the legendary rock band KISS climbed a 7-foot wall to gain a better view of the stage--only to mistake a curtain for a solid wall, and plunge to his death on an escalator 100 feet below. STONED SLEEP (5.5/10) A North Carolina woman who had been smoking marijuana learned a hard lesson about drugs when she decided to sleep on the roof of the King Charles Inn. Sound asleep, she slid off the roof and fell to her death shortly before dawn. When police arrived at the scene, her stoned boyfriend was found still sleeping on the roof. HORNET CHALLENGE (5.8/10) A 53-year-old man with a reputation as a 'strong man' accepted a dare to stand beneath a hornets' nest in Phnom Penh, while two men pelted it with stones. He endured the pain of countless stinging hornets before expiring from the toxic injections. TWO-AVALANCHE ALASKAN (5.8/10) A 43-year-old Fairbanks man attempting to highmark the mountains in his snowmobile died in an avalanche in Fairbanks Alaska in April. It was the second snowmobile-induced avalanche he had been caught in that day, and he had already been warned by authorities to stop highmarking in the dangerous snow conditions. BABY DRIVE ME CRAZY (5.9/10) The bodies of a young couple were discovered naked in the wreckage of a freak car accident in Italy in May. Investigators assume that prior to the accident, the couple was having sex in their small Italian vehicle while it raced along windy roads at upwards of 80mph. RUNNING OF THE BULLS (5.9/10) A Berlin woman attempting to capture a memorable photograph of the Running Bulls in the southern town of Nimes paid for her stupidity with her life on Sunday. The 68-year-old photographer removed a metal safety barricade and strode into the street with her camera to her eye, where she was trampled by a horse and six rampaging bulls. RAPPIN' ON HEAVEN'S DOOR (6.1/10) Artists sometimes bleed for their work, but usually not literally. A gangster-rap video artist changed all that when he put a gun to his head and shot himself through the temple while the cameras rolled, accidentally putting an end to his creative efforts. OUT WITH A BANG! (6.2/10) Heating air in a sealed container such as a truck tire causes the gas to expand and the pressure to increase. A mechanic at a tire store in Georgia learned this lesson in physics the hard way when an inflated tire he and was welding exploded, spewing shrapnel and killing him instantly. WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE (6.3/10) A Kentucky man died after he and his friend decided to reenact the William Tell scene where the famous archer is forced to shoot an apple off his son's head. They used a beer can instead of an apple, and their aim was not as accurate as the legendary archer. HUMAN HITCHING POST (6.3/10) A 29-year-old woman was killed in Nevada when she attempted to quell the temper of her spirited Arabian horse by tying herself to its head. The excitable animal spooked and dragged her around the paddock, trampling her beneath its hooves. SHOCKING FALL (6.8/10) 26-year-old man earned a place in history as the first person to die celebrating the millennium. Minutes before midnight, the Stanford graduate climbed to the top of a street light in front of the Paris Las Vegas Hotel and waved to the enthusiastic revelers below. At midnight he slipped and, in an effort to break his fall, grabbed the electric wires and found himself conducting more than a cheering crowd. DO IT YOURSELF: DO YOURSELF IN (6.8/10) A 34-year-old Colorado contractor wired his garden fence with household current in an attempt to keep his dog confined to the yard. He electrocuted himself when he inadvertently brushed the fence while reaching for a ripe tomato. FIREWORKS FIASCO (7.1/10) People routinely lose fingers and eyes in fireworks explosions during America's Independence Day celebration, and the bigger the fireworks, the greater the damage. A 34-year-old man suffered partial decapitation when he peered into the mouth of a launching tube containing what he incorrectly assumed was a malfunctioning aerial firework. It exploded, producing a spectacular grand finale for both his head and the party. HUMAN POPSICLE (7.3/10) Ohio police located the body of a missing truck driver in January after his employer reported him missing in action. The man was found frozen head down among the broccoli pallets, where he had apparently slipped while trying to retrieve a hidden stash of cocaine, THE DAILY GRIND (7.7/10) The owner of a chipping company in Maine was rent asunder by his own wood chipper when he stumbled into the intake while trying to break up a bark jam without first disconnecting the power. Copyright www.DarwinAwards.com 2000 Read more Darwin Awards at our website http://www.DarwinAwards.com?0011 or get our book, an Amazon.com 2000 Editor's Choice, from your bookseller. Find out why the philosophy of the Darwin Awards is a way of life. http://www.darwinawards.com/book?0011 ---